The Soylent Green Solution

Maybe it's PMS, but people are really annoying me lately. It's as if half of the population are simply wandering around, clueless, bumbling through life like big, drooly, wiggly dogs.

Take the guy at Taco Bell last night. He's pointing at a large picture of a Gordita (with the word "Gordita") printed on it, and he can't figure out a) how it's pronounced (I swear he called it a Gorrito and a Gorrata) or b) what kind of food it is ("Is that like a taco, what is it?"). THERE'S A LARGE COLOR PICTURE OF THE FOOD AND YOU'RE POINTING AT IT. How can you not tell what it is? None of the ingredients are hidden. Besides, this is Taco Bell, not brain surgery. Jeez.

Then, there are the big giant fat ass people. Don't get me wrong, I don't care how big a person's ass is, in general. I may boggle at the fact that there are people who are literally twice as wide as I am, but hey, that's not my problem. Until I get on the subway. There I am, on the train, la la la, enjoying my ride home, when I see this enormous ass decending towards me, aiming at a target space on the seat that's approximately half the size of the ass. I cringe and press my body into the metal bars to my right, to no avail. I have been wedged into a space half the size that I was sitting in before, and I'm not supposed to look at big giant fat ass person and say, "My God, don't you know how giant your ass is?" I'm supposed to sit in half a seat while big giant fat ass takes up half of my seat and half of the one next to her. Is this fair? I commute 75 minutes each way, and I'm obliged to have big giant ass's wallet digging into my thigh, then say "It's okay," when she snorts out a half-hearted "Sorry." Seriously, it's only glandular for so many people. I think some people like having big giant asses, because it makes them feel more powerful. They're bigger, they can squash me like a grape if I grouse. Yes, I am afraid of the big giant ass people, just as I am afraid of so many people in this city who just might shoot me if I say what I really think. Wow, how much does that suck? I wish I could find an island of reasonable, intelligent people. And when I say intelligent, I mean not breathing through their mouths while wearing a crappy sweatshirt with a designer's name silk-screened on, ignoring their screaming devil spawn and taking up two seats on the subway with THEIR BIG GIANT FAT ASSES.

Earlier versions of the above rant included much more profanity, so consider yourself lucky.