I Guess She'll Die

The AP gives us a story on all the items confiscated at airports over the Thanksgiving holiday. My favorite part is where a man at Ronald Reagan Airport in DC tried to carry a brick onto the plane. Said the spokesman for the Transportation Security Administration (is this a new thing?), "I don't know why he would carry a brick." I sure don't either. Why would 20,581 people not realize that sharp objects, like ice picks and meat cleavers and cuticle scissors, are not allowed on airplanes? You've only had 14 months to learn this stuff, people! Put all the sharp stuff in your checked baggage. I mean, who's going to need a meat cleaver mid-flight? Airplane food is bad, but come on. I can only suspect that all of these people are terrorists. If I choose to accept that so many people are really such dumbasses, I may go bonkers. Another pearl of wisdom for all you travelers, in case you didn't know: ‘‘You're not allowed to have a gun at the airport without a permit." For real! Did you know that? That kind of uncommon knowledge is up there with the fact that Madonna's mother died when she was a child and that the sky is sometimes blue. How are we supposed to know these things? I sure am glad the Feds are there to search my bag for me, because what if I went on a plane and some terrorist pickpocketed my handy icepick? Or my welding gun? Not to mention my bat or club. Thank you, federal government!