Little Miss Muffet Counting Down From Seven-Three-Oh

Hey, are you as excited as I am about the new season of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer? What? You say I've been dissing BtVS for months and I have no right to be looking forward to Season Seven? Well, I would have agreed with you until recently, when I found out that, at some point in the season, probably near the end, Faith (Eliza Dushku) will be returning to Sunnydale. Woo hoo! Maybe Mutant Enemy has seen the error of its ways. Seriously, I turned my nose up at watching a re-run of the Season Six finale on Tuesday in favor of That 70s Show and Life With Bonnie (which was funny!). Season Six was so bad (with the exception of "Once More, With Feeling," and even that lacked something. Oh! And "Normal Again," of course.), I was excited to watch re-runs of Season Four, the dreaded Riley years.

Anyhoo, the premiere of Season Seven is Tuesday, September 24, at 8 pm on UPN. I'm on to you people, so I'll be unplugging my phone. Will Dawn stop being so whiny? Will Buffy stop being so whiny? Will Willow realize that she's not actually Wiccan or gay and stop using both words to describe herself? Will Xander lose some weight and be less of a tool? Will Anya still be on the show? Did Spike actually want his soul restored or was there a breakdown in communication between him and the weird Power-Rangers-style demon in the cave? Is Giles sticking around? Can The Magic Box be renovated at a reasonable cost? Is Buffy going back to college or to the stupid fast-food job? Will there be a real villain this season, or more suckiness? Can someone do something about the costumes and production values? Will we ever see Oz again? Is Faith returning to remind viewers that because of Buffy dying in Season One and Kendra dying in Season Two, that she is the actual Slayer, not Buffy, which is why no new Slayer was called after Buffy died in Season Five? Huh? Because if no one addresses that simple, simple fact in this season, I am writing a letter to Joss Whedon that says, "Shame on you for abandoning your show to total idiots while you go and make a show about space cowboys!"

Ahem.

Sorry about that. Watch the premiere! Maybe ratings will encourage the writers to reread what they dash off at the breakfast table before they miss the bus.