$10,000 Pyramid

How can the food pyramid be wrong? I've been stuffing myself with low-glycemic index grains for over a year based on that thing. I'm so very confused. Now I've decided to eat hamburgers as much as I want to. Obviously, there is no right answer, so why not just enjoy myself? Bring on the Double Quarter Pounder, the Big n Tasty, the Whopper, the Big Bacon Classic, the Cozy Burger, the diner pizza burger (yum!), the hamburger steak. Fill my tummy with ground cow goodness. Forget the fries -- I'll take all my carbs in the bun and the condiments. It's nothing but hamburgers from now on. And Dr. Pepper. Who says caffeine is bad for me? A doctor? But none of them can even agree on the simple issue of what causes heart disease! Maybe I'll start smoking unfiltered cigarettes, having gin for breakfast and shooting smack for dinner. Exercise? Who needs it? Dragging my sorry ass out of bed before 10 am is enough workout for me. As long as I have enough caffeine, nicotine and heroin, I should stay skinny all right. A little makeup, some hairpieces to cover up the inevitable bald spots, breath mints, I'll be the picture of health. Think of it, the people we aspire to look like, the models and the actresses, that's how they do it. I think we're missing a vital point here. Oh, and don't forget the colonics. Very important. See, when you're beautiful, you don't even have to worry about taking a crap for yourself!