"Whoo, Mama" Is Not a Good Come-On

Ugh, I've had it with people treating me like some kind of object. Even the women in my office say, "Sexy dress!" It's 88 degrees outside people, I just want to stay cool and look presentable. I don't want to have your babies. I swear, I'm just going to keep eating and get really fat, then I'm going to stop wearing makeup and wear clothes from the Jacklyn Smith collection. That wouldn't work either, I guess. Then I'd just be another sad old fag hag, and I surely wouldn't get very far in my career.

I never thought I would hate being a hottie. Hotties need love, too!

Rollercoasters and Indie Rock

This weekend is the Siren Music Festival at Coney Island. Edgy chick bands like Sleater Kinney and The Donnas are playing, but I'm especially excited about the "Cirque de Siren," a drag circus featuring the Lady Bunny and Murray Hill. Oh! And the Duelling Bankheads. I may just burst into flame.

I scored "Cool Aunt" points when my niece mentioned wanting to check out the "music festival at Coney Island." "Siren?" I said. "Oh, I didn't know that it was this weekend, I went last year, it's super-cool. You can go with me and my friends." What a bald-faced, desperate attempt to win the admiration of my 18-year old niece, thus proving to myself that I'm still hip. Er, dope. Yeah.