An Open Letter

Dear Manufacturers and Marketers of Greeting Cards, Flowers, Jewelry, Candy and Those Goddamned Vermont Teddy Bears,

Thank you for bombarding me with advertising images, messages, and spam reminding me that I have no reason to celebrate Mother's Day. Not only did you torment me on Valentine's Day, reminding me of my pathetic loneliness, but now you have to rub it in my face that I don't have a Mommy anymore. Actually, I really appreciate your tough love therapy techniques. How else could I suck it up and get over it, if I weren't being constantly reminded of the joy of a mother's love and how she's always there for you, unconditionally, so buy her a fancy necklace and some Jean Nate'. One thing I would recommend, though: Make sure you print a disclaimer on the order form that states that the purchase of an expensive and thoughtful piece of Lenox jewelry will not have the power to prevent death, because that's where I got confused last time.

Again, thank you for your help in salting my psychic wounds. I couldn't do it without you!

Love,

Alexia