Bruised, But Not Broken

Kids, if you're like me, then you know how much fun it is to get really drunk and trade punches with your friends. I can only hope you're nothing like me. Anyway, I offered to take a punch from a guy on Saturday night and (even though I fooled him and deflected most of it) it left one doozy of a bruise on my upper arm. Let me preface this by saying that I bruise very easily. Often, I find little mystery bruises on my legs and arms that come from brushing against furniture or someone touching me. I even bruised the heel of my hand turning off my kitchen faucet the other day. This is why I keep a supply of arnica gel (homeopathic bruise remedy that totally works) on hand at all times. My bruises are legendary and my capacity for bruising well-known among my closest friends.

But this one is above par. I knew it was going to be good immediately. It had that feverish pink color about it, and the muscle hurt just to touch. In two hours it was purpling up nicely. If you make a fist and look at the punching knuckles, it's about that size and vaguely heart-shaped. It's fading quickly because of the arnica, but now it's greenish-purple with yellow in the center. The coolest part is that it's freckled with little dark purple dots, like flat goosebumps. I'm really proud of it, but no one has mentioned it, even though I'm wearing a sleeveless dress today. I'm planning on using the "karate mishap" excuse, which is technically true. Maybe everyone is afraid to ask because they think I'm a victim if domestic abuse. If that's true, then screw them for not trying to get me to a shelter!

This bruise won't trump the 1999 "rip in the space-time continuum" on my left calf, or the 1997 bruise that left an actual dent in my ass, but it's up there with the super knee bruise from last month, which is still healing, and the monster bruise I got from my friend biting me pit-bull style on the arm at Ace bar. Seriously, I'm a nice girl. I just bruise easily, am clumsy, and occasionally like to participate in strength/pain trials with my friends. Is that so wrong?