Just Say Moo

While I was sitting on the train today, I saw a man chewing his gum with a vigor that reminded me why I don't like to chew gum. I'll do it once in a while, but I hardly ever finish a pack of gum before it gets stale. My grandmother used to reprimand us for chewing gum with our mouths open, saying that we looked like cows chewing our cud. Not a pleasant image, if you've ever seen it. But chewing gum with your mouth closed is just weird. So, I just don't tend to chew gum. As I thought about this, I caught sight of the girl sitting across from me, also working her Juicy Fruit. I was mesmerized by the chomping action and the apparent lack of self-consciousness. I mean, this is gross stuff, watching people chew gum. Then, out of nowhere, the guy standing between the chewers grabbed his sack and adjusted himself, without the slightest tinge of self-awareness or shame. And this was quite grab. It was almost porn. The moral to this story, kids? Don't look at people on the subway. Ever.