What A Girl Wants

Huh, I thought today was the 21st.

Anyway, I'm making a list of things I want to buy.

A SunRise Clock
Portable record player from Red Envelope
Pants and a skirt that I can wear to work
A pair of black jeans
A pair of blue jeans
Four or five turtlenecks
Nice socks
Wolford tights
A file cabinet, small
Next year's vacation in Hawaii
The Floor Mate - ugh, $250

I'd also like to be able to get a haircut, see the dentist, the girlie doctor, and a dermatologist.

These are my luxury items, kids. If I could max out a credit card at any one store, it would probably be Wal-Mart. The really, really sad thing is that I have to decide what is most important. Do I give up going to Hawaii next year just so I can have work clothes? Would I rather finally be able to play my records, wake up without feeling like I've been ripped from the womb every morning, or dispense with the tedium of sweep/Swiffer/mop/hand-scrub/repeat on 500 square feet of linoleum? Can I let my old bills live forever unfiled in a box in the storage closet, or is it just getting ridiculous? How long can I put off going to the dentist before I get surprised with the need for a root canal?

When I first moved to New York, I made $8.50 an hour and worked 35 hours a week. My rent was $382.50. Even so, I make more now than the difference in my rent, so I should be able to cut back on the extras. I won't give up karate or my cell phone, but maybe I can give up my land line. I've already given up smoking and drinking during the week, as well as cabs and eating out. Granted, it hasn't been more than a week, but when I think of what I spent the week before last, I can see this helping me out in the long run. I just have to get ahead. I bought a pair of boots last month, but they were 25% off, and I wear them a lot. They're my new fall boots, to replace the ones I bought in 1995 that are just too uncomfortable anymore. The last time I bought clothes was in March, before my trip to Hawaii. Needless to say, those clothes aren't helping me much in this weather. I remember that I couldn't even afford them then.

When does all this end? I try very hard. It's not like I'm out shopping all the time. It seems like everyone has more disposable income than I do, even the guys buying lottery tickets at the candy store down the street. I don't want to utter the words, "I would, but I'm broke," when I'm in my thirties. So that gives me about 10 months to work this out. In nine months, I'll be debt free, so that should be a big help. In the meantime, I did really enjoy the leftover pot roast I brought to work for lunch today. I sure can cook a pot roast, you betcha. Silver lining and all that.

I'm also working out a self-reward system where if I leave the house on time, I get to buy a coffee at Dunkin' Donuts. If I'm late, I get to drink water from the cooler at the office. The coffee is expensive, but if it motivates me to get my butt out of bed, it's an acceptable loss. Gosh, I wonder if all these attempts at self-improvement are worth it, or if I have to remain what and how I am? Wouldn't that be terrible, to work so hard, only to find myself unable to stick to it? I have the worst sense of discipline in the world. If I hadn't already paid for my karate classes, I would skip it every time. I already missed 3 classes last week. Shiny things distract me. Sometimes I feel that I would be a much more productive person if I had no friends and lived with someone who made it unpleasant to be home. Oh wait, that's why I was such an overachiever in high school. Creepy.

Good grief. I just noticed that I put my shirt on backwards this morning. Somebody shoot me.