Easy Questions
This week's RNN Poll Questions:
Iraq: Should We Have Known Better?
Yes.
Bronx Catholic Parish Insists Wedded Gays Leave Choir: Your Reaction?
Bronx Catholics don't like homos? You don't say. Earth to married gay people: become Episcopalians. It's still about Jesus.
Is Mayor Bloomberg Doing a Good Job?
Hahahahahahahahahahaha...hoo...
Oh, um, no.
Monday, October 20, 2003
Friday, October 17, 2003
We'll Be Back After This Brief Pause...
I know I haven't blogged in two weeks, but I've been pretty busy, rehearsing for shows. The last big one is tonight. I feel comfortable about the performance, I'm just concerned about having a decent sized house. I hardly had anyone on Wednesday, although I was happy with the people I did have. What I need is better publicity. It's just hard to do it all myself.
So, next week I start working every day, although not for money every day (it's involved), so I may not be blogging again for a while. I hope you can live without me!
I know I haven't blogged in two weeks, but I've been pretty busy, rehearsing for shows. The last big one is tonight. I feel comfortable about the performance, I'm just concerned about having a decent sized house. I hardly had anyone on Wednesday, although I was happy with the people I did have. What I need is better publicity. It's just hard to do it all myself.
So, next week I start working every day, although not for money every day (it's involved), so I may not be blogging again for a while. I hope you can live without me!
Friday, October 03, 2003
It's My Birthday, Too, Yeah!
Happy birthday to me! It's my birthday and today I am 30 years old. That's right, I said it. I'm not freaking out about it. My biggest concern is that now I only have a limited time left to decide whether I want to go ahead and increase the surplus population. For everything else, I've got tons of time. I quit smoking, and I'm in relatively good health; even though I live in New York, I intend to be around for a while. Plus, I look fantastic for 30. Sure, that may sound vain, and it is, but this is my blog and I get to say whatever I want to. Besides, I do look fantastic for thirty. My tip: Stay out of the sun and wear SPF 15 on your face everyday. Also, drink large quatities of gin. It's a preservative!
Anyway, happy birthday to Alexia, and on Sunday happy birthday to Larue. Go Libras!
Happy birthday to me! It's my birthday and today I am 30 years old. That's right, I said it. I'm not freaking out about it. My biggest concern is that now I only have a limited time left to decide whether I want to go ahead and increase the surplus population. For everything else, I've got tons of time. I quit smoking, and I'm in relatively good health; even though I live in New York, I intend to be around for a while. Plus, I look fantastic for 30. Sure, that may sound vain, and it is, but this is my blog and I get to say whatever I want to. Besides, I do look fantastic for thirty. My tip: Stay out of the sun and wear SPF 15 on your face everyday. Also, drink large quatities of gin. It's a preservative!
Anyway, happy birthday to Alexia, and on Sunday happy birthday to Larue. Go Libras!
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Welcome to Rocktober!
October is the best month. Not only is my birthday in it, as well as the birthdays of a slew of other fantastic Libra friends of mine, but it has Halloween, Columbus Day, and the real advent of Fall. By the way, my birthday is this Friday, and I do have an Amazon wish list.
The real reason I want to write about October is that it is time to put away the open-toed shoes, ladies and gents. Can the flip-flops (nasty things that they are on most people), the Chinese mesh slippers I've already ranted about, the Birkenstocks, the open-toed pumps, and anything else that showcases your bare feet. (Of course, this is strictly daytime advice, because a woman with a nice pedicure and very appropriate shoes for dress and occasion can get away with it at night. Still not recommended though.) For one, you have gross feet. You never get a pedicure, and that ashy big toe look has never been in. It's chilly outside, and when you wear flip-flops and a sweater outside of the beach, you look like what you are. A big dummy. And don't try to get around it by wearing hose or socks underneath, because that is just twelve kinds of wrong and you know that, so why are you trying?
Give up the ghost people. Payless is having a great sale on cute boots right now, so you have no excuses.
October is the best month. Not only is my birthday in it, as well as the birthdays of a slew of other fantastic Libra friends of mine, but it has Halloween, Columbus Day, and the real advent of Fall. By the way, my birthday is this Friday, and I do have an Amazon wish list.
The real reason I want to write about October is that it is time to put away the open-toed shoes, ladies and gents. Can the flip-flops (nasty things that they are on most people), the Chinese mesh slippers I've already ranted about, the Birkenstocks, the open-toed pumps, and anything else that showcases your bare feet. (Of course, this is strictly daytime advice, because a woman with a nice pedicure and very appropriate shoes for dress and occasion can get away with it at night. Still not recommended though.) For one, you have gross feet. You never get a pedicure, and that ashy big toe look has never been in. It's chilly outside, and when you wear flip-flops and a sweater outside of the beach, you look like what you are. A big dummy. And don't try to get around it by wearing hose or socks underneath, because that is just twelve kinds of wrong and you know that, so why are you trying?
Give up the ghost people. Payless is having a great sale on cute boots right now, so you have no excuses.
Open Letter to MTA Bus Riders
Dear Idiots,
When you exit a city bus through the center, or "back", door, wait until the light comes on, then press the yellow tape. This will open the doors automatically, and hold them open so you can exit without pushing so hard you herniate something and letting the doors fly back to hit other passengers. If you weren't such a bunch of mouth-breathing imbeciles, you might notice that there is a sign, at eye level, telling you to press the yellow tape before you open the door. You can even just press on the door where the yellow tape is, if you want to feel like part of the opening process. But trust me, in a fully operational city bus, simply pressing the tape will cause hydraulics to open the door for you, and hold it open for a few seconds. Guess what else! If the door is about to close, you can press the tape again to keep it open for passengers exiting behind you. Amazing, eh?
Now, I know what you're thinking, "How can I, a regular passenger, open the center door without hurtling myself into it?" I know you're thinking this because the drool from your gaping pie-hole has probably obscured the first part of this letter and you've forgotten the main point already. That's all I can figure, because it seems that anyone with half a brain would understand and remember to PRESS THE FREAKING YELLOW TAPE TO OPEN THE GODDAMN CENTER DOOR ON THE BUS!
Thanks for your attention, and see you on the bus! Jackasses.
Love,
Alexia
Dear Idiots,
When you exit a city bus through the center, or "back", door, wait until the light comes on, then press the yellow tape. This will open the doors automatically, and hold them open so you can exit without pushing so hard you herniate something and letting the doors fly back to hit other passengers. If you weren't such a bunch of mouth-breathing imbeciles, you might notice that there is a sign, at eye level, telling you to press the yellow tape before you open the door. You can even just press on the door where the yellow tape is, if you want to feel like part of the opening process. But trust me, in a fully operational city bus, simply pressing the tape will cause hydraulics to open the door for you, and hold it open for a few seconds. Guess what else! If the door is about to close, you can press the tape again to keep it open for passengers exiting behind you. Amazing, eh?
Now, I know what you're thinking, "How can I, a regular passenger, open the center door without hurtling myself into it?" I know you're thinking this because the drool from your gaping pie-hole has probably obscured the first part of this letter and you've forgotten the main point already. That's all I can figure, because it seems that anyone with half a brain would understand and remember to PRESS THE FREAKING YELLOW TAPE TO OPEN THE GODDAMN CENTER DOOR ON THE BUS!
Thanks for your attention, and see you on the bus! Jackasses.
Love,
Alexia
I Still Don't Care About Sports
They can gay up about anything these days. Now even sports journalists are coming out of the closet. Before you know it, Log Cabin Republicans will be taken seriously, rather than be sources of confused head-scratching (no offense, L). But they can't get me. You can throw gay tight ends into football, I'm still not going to sit around on a couch every Sunday watching it on television. You know what would get me to watch football? More cheerleaer shots and full coverage of the marching bands. And marching bands added to professional football. And smaller outfits for the cheerleaders. Heck, replace all the current cheerleaders with XFL girls. Weren't they all strippers? Where was I? Oh yeah, way to go Ed Gray. Glad you waited until you were close to retirement before you decided to take a stand. Of course it's a good thing, but I'll be more impressed when Mike Piazza comes out. Oh, you know he's gay. He's super-gay.
They can gay up about anything these days. Now even sports journalists are coming out of the closet. Before you know it, Log Cabin Republicans will be taken seriously, rather than be sources of confused head-scratching (no offense, L). But they can't get me. You can throw gay tight ends into football, I'm still not going to sit around on a couch every Sunday watching it on television. You know what would get me to watch football? More cheerleaer shots and full coverage of the marching bands. And marching bands added to professional football. And smaller outfits for the cheerleaders. Heck, replace all the current cheerleaders with XFL girls. Weren't they all strippers? Where was I? Oh yeah, way to go Ed Gray. Glad you waited until you were close to retirement before you decided to take a stand. Of course it's a good thing, but I'll be more impressed when Mike Piazza comes out. Oh, you know he's gay. He's super-gay.
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Random Notes
I love that Geico commercial with the white rapper. "Always use good manners when you're eatin' a sloppy joe-oe." That cracks me up.
I cannot abide Cottonelle and Charmin toilet paper. It leaves too much lint in my business. Give me drugstore brand TP any day.
A contestant on Pyramid who is supposedly a radio personality didn't know where Motown is. Shouldn't she be fired, or stoned or something?
I love that Geico commercial with the white rapper. "Always use good manners when you're eatin' a sloppy joe-oe." That cracks me up.
I cannot abide Cottonelle and Charmin toilet paper. It leaves too much lint in my business. Give me drugstore brand TP any day.
A contestant on Pyramid who is supposedly a radio personality didn't know where Motown is. Shouldn't she be fired, or stoned or something?
Monday, September 15, 2003
Too Much Monkey Business
Well, I guess it's time to get a job. The new daytime TV schedule started today, and I have no idea what's going on. My world has turned upside down! COPS in place of Roseanne! No Married With Children! Family Feud is on FOX and I can't find Pyramid! It's all so disconcerting.
Oprah is interviewing Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and she has Beyonce Knowles in the second half of her show. Tomorrow? Madonna. Of course. Yeah, this is the woman who should be giving advice to regular women about living a better life. A life of delusion, maybe.
Well, I guess it's time to get a job. The new daytime TV schedule started today, and I have no idea what's going on. My world has turned upside down! COPS in place of Roseanne! No Married With Children! Family Feud is on FOX and I can't find Pyramid! It's all so disconcerting.
Oprah is interviewing Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and she has Beyonce Knowles in the second half of her show. Tomorrow? Madonna. Of course. Yeah, this is the woman who should be giving advice to regular women about living a better life. A life of delusion, maybe.
Fame, However Obscure
This is direct quote from Michael Musto's September 8 column, La Dolce Musto, in the Village Voice.
----
More tastefully, the nouveau-claustro boîte the Slide houses a delightfully off-kilter Sunday-night talent show, hosted by saucy Shaboom Boom and judged by Clover Honey ("I'm Paula Abdul with a dick") and hilarious dinner-theater lush Lavinia Draper. Before belting her big number, the winning contestant told the judges, "I listened to your advice from last week. I wore more jewels and this time you'll know I want to fuck Nicky Arnstein!"
----
And who is that winning contestant? ME! (If you don't know who Nicky Arnstein is, feel free to e-mail me.) I freaked out when I read it. I am so flattered that one of my favorite writers, a terribly witty person, thought that I was funny enough to quote in his column. Hoo-hah!
This is direct quote from Michael Musto's September 8 column, La Dolce Musto, in the Village Voice.
----
More tastefully, the nouveau-claustro boîte the Slide houses a delightfully off-kilter Sunday-night talent show, hosted by saucy Shaboom Boom and judged by Clover Honey ("I'm Paula Abdul with a dick") and hilarious dinner-theater lush Lavinia Draper. Before belting her big number, the winning contestant told the judges, "I listened to your advice from last week. I wore more jewels and this time you'll know I want to fuck Nicky Arnstein!"
----
And who is that winning contestant? ME! (If you don't know who Nicky Arnstein is, feel free to e-mail me.) I freaked out when I read it. I am so flattered that one of my favorite writers, a terribly witty person, thought that I was funny enough to quote in his column. Hoo-hah!
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Success, Finally
I finally figured out (with the help of my friendly sysadmin) how to update my website. It's not important what stupid thing I forgot to do; what is important is that now, I can do some updating. Click the link to the left, "Everything," to check it out.
The other night, I stopped into the McDonald's on Broadway near Astor Place, and the kid who took my order had fangs. I'm talking prosthetics. Then I took gander at his name tag. "Lestat," it read. Oh, give me a break. What a loser. YOU WORK AT MCDONALD'S! YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE! Sheesh.
And what is up with those bitchy Weight Watchers commericals, where the women try to undermine each other's self-confidence and body image? "So much for the weight loss plan." "Maybe that's why you quit your diet." Thank you, Weight Watchers, for perpetuating the image of women as spiteful, competitive, insecure cunts. Thank you, thank you.
And how are you?
I finally figured out (with the help of my friendly sysadmin) how to update my website. It's not important what stupid thing I forgot to do; what is important is that now, I can do some updating. Click the link to the left, "Everything," to check it out.
The other night, I stopped into the McDonald's on Broadway near Astor Place, and the kid who took my order had fangs. I'm talking prosthetics. Then I took gander at his name tag. "Lestat," it read. Oh, give me a break. What a loser. YOU WORK AT MCDONALD'S! YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE! Sheesh.
And what is up with those bitchy Weight Watchers commericals, where the women try to undermine each other's self-confidence and body image? "So much for the weight loss plan." "Maybe that's why you quit your diet." Thank you, Weight Watchers, for perpetuating the image of women as spiteful, competitive, insecure cunts. Thank you, thank you.
And how are you?
Friday, September 05, 2003
Another Stupid Question
The folks at RNN have another inane, obvious question for us:
Should Parents Be Able to Choose Which Public School Their Kids Attend?
The answer: No. I mean, duh. Instead of parents choosing a public school based on what the schools has to offer (instead of children going to the geographically closest scool, which makes sense), perhaps the state's department of education could make an effort to make sure that all schools have equivalent assets. I know, it's hard to think of pulling the big bucks out of the schools in the rich, white neighborhoods and distributing them equitably among all schools, but it does make... wait for it... SENSE.
Now, if you have alternative schools, like schools that focus on arts or sciences, students apply. That also makes sense. But for your basic college prep public school, assignment should be based on geography and funding applied in a way that makes all schools equal. How hard can that be?
The folks at RNN have another inane, obvious question for us:
Should Parents Be Able to Choose Which Public School Their Kids Attend?
The answer: No. I mean, duh. Instead of parents choosing a public school based on what the schools has to offer (instead of children going to the geographically closest scool, which makes sense), perhaps the state's department of education could make an effort to make sure that all schools have equivalent assets. I know, it's hard to think of pulling the big bucks out of the schools in the rich, white neighborhoods and distributing them equitably among all schools, but it does make... wait for it... SENSE.
Now, if you have alternative schools, like schools that focus on arts or sciences, students apply. That also makes sense. But for your basic college prep public school, assignment should be based on geography and funding applied in a way that makes all schools equal. How hard can that be?
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Open Letter To The TV People
Dear TV People,
OK, we all appreciate your efforts to pander to liberals and homosexuals and the easily titillated mainstream by bringing us such fare as Boy Meets Boy, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, It's All Relative, and older shows like Will & Grace, Normal, Ohio, Six Feet Under, and Oz. But enough with the fags, already. Where are the lesbians? Hmm? Sure, you tossed us Ellen, the Sapphic moms on Friends, and the precious relationship turned ham-handed character assassination that was Willow on Buffy, but I think we could do more to give the girls some equal time.
What? You say that you're simply developing television shows that happen to have gays in them? That the increase in the number of sympathetic homosexual male characters is art imitating life? OK, then bring on the dykes. Maybe they don't make as good television as the same old tired jokes about interior decorating and disco music, but I'm sure that a little lipstick lesbian action would boost your young male viewership. Look at the success All My Children has had with making Erica Kane's youngest daughter a gorgeous girl-kisser, dating a dark and mysterious foreign bisexual! That's good TV, people!
So, please, add more lesbians to the TV lineup. It's only fair.
Sincerely,
An Annoyed Viewer
Dear TV People,
OK, we all appreciate your efforts to pander to liberals and homosexuals and the easily titillated mainstream by bringing us such fare as Boy Meets Boy, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, It's All Relative, and older shows like Will & Grace, Normal, Ohio, Six Feet Under, and Oz. But enough with the fags, already. Where are the lesbians? Hmm? Sure, you tossed us Ellen, the Sapphic moms on Friends, and the precious relationship turned ham-handed character assassination that was Willow on Buffy, but I think we could do more to give the girls some equal time.
What? You say that you're simply developing television shows that happen to have gays in them? That the increase in the number of sympathetic homosexual male characters is art imitating life? OK, then bring on the dykes. Maybe they don't make as good television as the same old tired jokes about interior decorating and disco music, but I'm sure that a little lipstick lesbian action would boost your young male viewership. Look at the success All My Children has had with making Erica Kane's youngest daughter a gorgeous girl-kisser, dating a dark and mysterious foreign bisexual! That's good TV, people!
So, please, add more lesbians to the TV lineup. It's only fair.
Sincerely,
An Annoyed Viewer
Beyond Self-Publishing
Check out ecoops.org for my article on amateur singing in NYC. See, other people like my writing, too!
Check out ecoops.org for my article on amateur singing in NYC. See, other people like my writing, too!
Arrrr!
Alert Reader Dave G. just let me know about an all important upcoming holiday, Talk Like A Pirate Day. Basically, on September 19, you talk like a pirate. I plan to refer to myself as Captain Jack Sparrow all day, if I remember.
Please note that on the "how to" page, there is a reference to a Singapore Sling. I would like point this out because most of the dumbass bartenders in New York look at me like I have three heads and they never passed kindergarten when I order one. The Singapore Sling is not an archaic drink, nor is it difficult to make. Get your heads out of your asses, New York bartenders! I'm not tipping you a dollar a drink just because you figured out how to mix a gin and tonic all by yourself.
Alert Reader Dave G. just let me know about an all important upcoming holiday, Talk Like A Pirate Day. Basically, on September 19, you talk like a pirate. I plan to refer to myself as Captain Jack Sparrow all day, if I remember.
Please note that on the "how to" page, there is a reference to a Singapore Sling. I would like point this out because most of the dumbass bartenders in New York look at me like I have three heads and they never passed kindergarten when I order one. The Singapore Sling is not an archaic drink, nor is it difficult to make. Get your heads out of your asses, New York bartenders! I'm not tipping you a dollar a drink just because you figured out how to mix a gin and tonic all by yourself.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
You Say You Want A Revolution
You're sick and tired of reading about my exciting new life. You want to hear my thoughts on politics and the world at large. Well, I would write about those things, but I can't seem to give a fig about the California recall. Madonna French-kissing two bimbos on cable? Just the latest sign that she's over. Just like the other two.
Teenagers are doing just slightly more drugs. Of course, this article doesn't mention that those numbers have been down recently, rendering any increase a wash. Also, I would like to respond to the survey's author that I am perfectly comfortable with 1 in 4 teenagers using drugs. I would be less comfortable with a large number of airplane pilots, nuclear plant engineers or Presidents of the United States using drugs.
(OK, why am I smelling potatoes? There are no potatoes in here!)
I can't bring myself to care about Iraqi occupation, further al-Qaeda threats, Israel and Palestine peace trains or anything taking place in the Middle East. I am burnt out on world politics. No one seems to care what rational people think, and my roommate's cat is driving me batty. He just keeps meowing for no reason, and when I try to pet him he backs away, then he chases me around the apartment with his back arched and his fur standing up. What do you want, cat from hell?
Sorry.
But this is what I can think about. Gray's Papaya (a hot dog shop) on 6th Avenue and 8th Street has a huge sign (in fact, two of them) in their window praising Al Franken. If I recall correctly, it says "We Love Al Franken. We think you are 'FARE 'N VALANCE.' Can you believe those liars are from New York? Jesus Christ!" And something else I can't remember. That's all well and good. I think Fox News is ridiculous for suing Franken. But this is the same store that had similar huge signs in 1998 or 1999 that read "We Love Mayor Giuliani! We Are NICE New Yorkers!" I guess they're bipartisan . Very, very strange.
I can also say that I don't think it's funny that I had to wear a coat and long pants today. I knew I should have moved to Hawaii.
If I think of anything else that's bugging me, I'll be sure to let you know. Now I'm going to take a nap. I've been up since 6:30 am because of an audition. Like I could be a singing nun!
You're sick and tired of reading about my exciting new life. You want to hear my thoughts on politics and the world at large. Well, I would write about those things, but I can't seem to give a fig about the California recall. Madonna French-kissing two bimbos on cable? Just the latest sign that she's over. Just like the other two.
Teenagers are doing just slightly more drugs. Of course, this article doesn't mention that those numbers have been down recently, rendering any increase a wash. Also, I would like to respond to the survey's author that I am perfectly comfortable with 1 in 4 teenagers using drugs. I would be less comfortable with a large number of airplane pilots, nuclear plant engineers or Presidents of the United States using drugs.
(OK, why am I smelling potatoes? There are no potatoes in here!)
I can't bring myself to care about Iraqi occupation, further al-Qaeda threats, Israel and Palestine peace trains or anything taking place in the Middle East. I am burnt out on world politics. No one seems to care what rational people think, and my roommate's cat is driving me batty. He just keeps meowing for no reason, and when I try to pet him he backs away, then he chases me around the apartment with his back arched and his fur standing up. What do you want, cat from hell?
Sorry.
But this is what I can think about. Gray's Papaya (a hot dog shop) on 6th Avenue and 8th Street has a huge sign (in fact, two of them) in their window praising Al Franken. If I recall correctly, it says "We Love Al Franken. We think you are 'FARE 'N VALANCE.' Can you believe those liars are from New York? Jesus Christ!" And something else I can't remember. That's all well and good. I think Fox News is ridiculous for suing Franken. But this is the same store that had similar huge signs in 1998 or 1999 that read "We Love Mayor Giuliani! We Are NICE New Yorkers!" I guess they're bipartisan . Very, very strange.
I can also say that I don't think it's funny that I had to wear a coat and long pants today. I knew I should have moved to Hawaii.
If I think of anything else that's bugging me, I'll be sure to let you know. Now I'm going to take a nap. I've been up since 6:30 am because of an audition. Like I could be a singing nun!
Helter Skelter
Sorry I'm not blogging so much, but I've been hella busy. What with all the singing and the boyfriending and the other socializing, I barely have time to cash my unemployment check, much less think of meaningful things to write for you people. Ingrates that you are anyway. You could try writing to me once in a while (not you, Jeff Z.).
So, I'm going to write an article about sing along places in New York after I take a nap and learn 8 million new songs and buy some necessary paper products and print out lyrics and blog.
Here's where I'll be. Oh yeah, I got my own show!
Mondays
Stonewall Inn
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 9 pm
No cover
Sundays
Super Size Sundays @ The Slide
Bowery and Great Jones, downstairs
Random appearances!
No cover
Thursday, September 4
Cattle Call @ Therapy
52nd Street between 8th and 9th Avenues
11 pm
No cover, talent competition with cool prizes!
Sunday, September 14
Grove Stock @ Cherry's
Cherry Grove, Fire Island
3-9 pm
$20
Wednesday, September 24 and October 29
Piano Bar Hell @ Pieces Back Room
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 10 pm
$5, two drink minimum
Wednesday, October 15
My Own Cabaret Show! @ Pieces Back Room
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 10 pm
$5, two drink minimum
Sorry I'm not blogging so much, but I've been hella busy. What with all the singing and the boyfriending and the other socializing, I barely have time to cash my unemployment check, much less think of meaningful things to write for you people. Ingrates that you are anyway. You could try writing to me once in a while (not you, Jeff Z.).
So, I'm going to write an article about sing along places in New York after I take a nap and learn 8 million new songs and buy some necessary paper products and print out lyrics and blog.
Here's where I'll be. Oh yeah, I got my own show!
Mondays
Stonewall Inn
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 9 pm
No cover
Sundays
Super Size Sundays @ The Slide
Bowery and Great Jones, downstairs
Random appearances!
No cover
Thursday, September 4
Cattle Call @ Therapy
52nd Street between 8th and 9th Avenues
11 pm
No cover, talent competition with cool prizes!
Sunday, September 14
Grove Stock @ Cherry's
Cherry Grove, Fire Island
3-9 pm
$20
Wednesday, September 24 and October 29
Piano Bar Hell @ Pieces Back Room
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 10 pm
$5, two drink minimum
Wednesday, October 15
My Own Cabaret Show! @ Pieces Back Room
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 10 pm
$5, two drink minimum
Friday, August 29, 2003
A Very Special Blossom
I'm such a wuss. I just cried because of an episode of Moesha. What can I say? I'm easily moved by very special episodes of black sitcoms. Like that one episode of The Fresh Price of Bel Air when Carlton accidentally takes some speed Will had in his locker and has to go to the hospital and Phil is angry with Will and Will cries because he didn't mean to hurt Carlton; that gets me every time. Of course, it could have something to do with the bloody mary I was inspired to make this morning, but I doubt it.
(Stoli vodka, tomato juice, Worcestershire, Tabasco, horseradish, lemon juice, celery seed, fresh ground pepper, lots of ice, three green olives, and a lime wedge. Stir and sip.)
Obviously, I ditched the sick diet. You know, a bad diet is like a bad boyfriend. While you're with it, your friends are supportive and complimentary, but as soon as you get rid of it, they can't tell you what a bad idea it was fast enough. Anyway, my blood sugar got so low that I would start crying for no reason and my mood was zinging all over the place. Not worth it. I'd rather be happy than skinny any day.
I'll be at Cattle Call at Therapy (52nd between 8th and 9th) on September 4. I want to win, so come and clap for me! Also, this Sunday is the big roundup at The Slide on Bowery, which I would also like to win. If you want more info, just e-mail me at the "reach out" link above.
I'm such a wuss. I just cried because of an episode of Moesha. What can I say? I'm easily moved by very special episodes of black sitcoms. Like that one episode of The Fresh Price of Bel Air when Carlton accidentally takes some speed Will had in his locker and has to go to the hospital and Phil is angry with Will and Will cries because he didn't mean to hurt Carlton; that gets me every time. Of course, it could have something to do with the bloody mary I was inspired to make this morning, but I doubt it.
(Stoli vodka, tomato juice, Worcestershire, Tabasco, horseradish, lemon juice, celery seed, fresh ground pepper, lots of ice, three green olives, and a lime wedge. Stir and sip.)
Obviously, I ditched the sick diet. You know, a bad diet is like a bad boyfriend. While you're with it, your friends are supportive and complimentary, but as soon as you get rid of it, they can't tell you what a bad idea it was fast enough. Anyway, my blood sugar got so low that I would start crying for no reason and my mood was zinging all over the place. Not worth it. I'd rather be happy than skinny any day.
I'll be at Cattle Call at Therapy (52nd between 8th and 9th) on September 4. I want to win, so come and clap for me! Also, this Sunday is the big roundup at The Slide on Bowery, which I would also like to win. If you want more info, just e-mail me at the "reach out" link above.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
The Call of the Wild
Sometimes the Kavorka is a great burden. Even gay men can't keep their hands off me. Maybe I should start wearing garlic around my neck. Hey, I like the attention, but it's getting ridiculous. Whistles, cat calls, and unintelligible compliments in foreign languages are one thing, but when a big homo is sticking his tongue down your throat, you have to wonder. I guess I'm muy caliente. Or it could be the booze.
No, it's me. I'm a hottie. Oh, the burden!
Seriously. Only hot people understand how hard it is to have people pawing and leering and drooling all over you. But, I must persevere. No baggy clothing and bad hair for me. I must maintain the standard of hotness that I have previously displayed, or let down my hot sisters and brothers.
No, I'm not drunk. What are you talking about?
Where was I? Oh yes. All I'm saying is, for God's sake people, it's not cool to kiss the straight girl in the gay bar! Sheesh! How am I ever going to live that down?
Sometimes the Kavorka is a great burden. Even gay men can't keep their hands off me. Maybe I should start wearing garlic around my neck. Hey, I like the attention, but it's getting ridiculous. Whistles, cat calls, and unintelligible compliments in foreign languages are one thing, but when a big homo is sticking his tongue down your throat, you have to wonder. I guess I'm muy caliente. Or it could be the booze.
No, it's me. I'm a hottie. Oh, the burden!
Seriously. Only hot people understand how hard it is to have people pawing and leering and drooling all over you. But, I must persevere. No baggy clothing and bad hair for me. I must maintain the standard of hotness that I have previously displayed, or let down my hot sisters and brothers.
No, I'm not drunk. What are you talking about?
Where was I? Oh yes. All I'm saying is, for God's sake people, it's not cool to kiss the straight girl in the gay bar! Sheesh! How am I ever going to live that down?
Sunday, August 24, 2003
What's Up?
What the hell's been going on? Well, I saw some of the HOWL! festival in the East Village yesterday, including Wigstock's glorious return to Tompkin's Square Park. That was a blast, even though I didn't get to see all of the show. A few local divas did a Laugh-In style party scene, including All-Beef Patty and Ginger from Lips, and Mirkala Cristal from Stonewall. I couldn't see it, but it was hilarious. Sample joke: "Hey Patty, what's the difference between Lady Bunny and a bucket of pig shit?" "I don't know, what?" "The bucket!" Who knew you could be that filthy that early in the day? Hooray for the East Village!
I just started doing the Induction phase of the Atkin's diet. I need to trick my body into thinking it's starving so I can jump start a little weight loss. I know it sounds bizarre, but I'm interested to see if it will work. I'm pretty good at controlling my eating habits when I want to; much better than I am at getting around to some exercise. I'm just going to do it for two weeks (I'm on day three). If nothing changes by then, I'm back on carbo-loading. I'll keep you informed.
Still not smoking. It's great. Seriously.
Great audition on Friday, and I got a new gig at a straight bar in Murray Hill. Heh. If you can tell me why that's funny, you win a low-carb cookie.
I haven't seen the news much lately, but I just realized I haven't blogged since right before the blackout. It was dark. That's pretty much it. I walked across the bridge from Brooklyn to Queens, was in a bitchy mood, and got utterly obliterated on Friday night. My freezer is so cold, we still had ice when the power came back on. I did hear Mayor Bloomberg talking out of his ass about supposed Canadian power-stealing. What a dill-hole.
Well, that's the news from Lake Wobegone via Greenpoint. If you want to see me, I'll be at The Slide tonight on Bowery and Great Jones, Stonewall tomorrow night at 8, and God knows where else the rest of the week. Kisses!
What the hell's been going on? Well, I saw some of the HOWL! festival in the East Village yesterday, including Wigstock's glorious return to Tompkin's Square Park. That was a blast, even though I didn't get to see all of the show. A few local divas did a Laugh-In style party scene, including All-Beef Patty and Ginger from Lips, and Mirkala Cristal from Stonewall. I couldn't see it, but it was hilarious. Sample joke: "Hey Patty, what's the difference between Lady Bunny and a bucket of pig shit?" "I don't know, what?" "The bucket!" Who knew you could be that filthy that early in the day? Hooray for the East Village!
I just started doing the Induction phase of the Atkin's diet. I need to trick my body into thinking it's starving so I can jump start a little weight loss. I know it sounds bizarre, but I'm interested to see if it will work. I'm pretty good at controlling my eating habits when I want to; much better than I am at getting around to some exercise. I'm just going to do it for two weeks (I'm on day three). If nothing changes by then, I'm back on carbo-loading. I'll keep you informed.
Still not smoking. It's great. Seriously.
Great audition on Friday, and I got a new gig at a straight bar in Murray Hill. Heh. If you can tell me why that's funny, you win a low-carb cookie.
I haven't seen the news much lately, but I just realized I haven't blogged since right before the blackout. It was dark. That's pretty much it. I walked across the bridge from Brooklyn to Queens, was in a bitchy mood, and got utterly obliterated on Friday night. My freezer is so cold, we still had ice when the power came back on. I did hear Mayor Bloomberg talking out of his ass about supposed Canadian power-stealing. What a dill-hole.
Well, that's the news from Lake Wobegone via Greenpoint. If you want to see me, I'll be at The Slide tonight on Bowery and Great Jones, Stonewall tomorrow night at 8, and God knows where else the rest of the week. Kisses!
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