Open Letter to MTA Bus Riders

Dear Idiots,

When you exit a city bus through the center, or "back", door, wait until the light comes on, then press the yellow tape. This will open the doors automatically, and hold them open so you can exit without pushing so hard you herniate something and letting the doors fly back to hit other passengers. If you weren't such a bunch of mouth-breathing imbeciles, you might notice that there is a sign, at eye level, telling you to press the yellow tape before you open the door. You can even just press on the door where the yellow tape is, if you want to feel like part of the opening process. But trust me, in a fully operational city bus, simply pressing the tape will cause hydraulics to open the door for you, and hold it open for a few seconds. Guess what else! If the door is about to close, you can press the tape again to keep it open for passengers exiting behind you. Amazing, eh?

Now, I know what you're thinking, "How can I, a regular passenger, open the center door without hurtling myself into it?" I know you're thinking this because the drool from your gaping pie-hole has probably obscured the first part of this letter and you've forgotten the main point already. That's all I can figure, because it seems that anyone with half a brain would understand and remember to PRESS THE FREAKING YELLOW TAPE TO OPEN THE GODDAMN CENTER DOOR ON THE BUS!

Thanks for your attention, and see you on the bus! Jackasses.

Love,

Alexia