The Stars Say...

Oh, but I do believe in astrology, to an extent. I figure, if the moon can affect the tides, and we're 75% water, the planetary alignment could affect people's moods.

Philosophy for Dummies

God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain
I'll say it again
God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain
I don't believe in magic
I don't believe in I-ching
I don't believe in Bible
I don't believe in tarot
I don't believe in Hitler
I don't believe in Jesus
I don't believe in Kennedy
Í don't believe in Buddha
I don't believe in Mantra
I don't believe in gita
I don't believe in yoga
I don't believe in kings
I don't believe in Elvis
I don't believe in Zimmerman
I don't believe in Beatles
I just believe in me

--John Lennon

I don't believe in God. That is, I don't believe, as countless people do, in a being or power that created the universe and has had or will have an additional effect on the Earth and its denizens. I don't believe that something talked to Buddha and Moses and Mohammed and Joan of Arc, and gave them commands. I don't believe that prayer changes anything except the mindset of the praying person. I don't know if there is life after death, but I doubt it. I don't believe in Heaven, Hell, karma or reincarnation. I don't believe that all people act morally because of a fear of Hell. I don't believe all people do anything. I don't believe in ghosts, magic spells, or the collective unconscious. I used to believe in some of it, but things change. People, animals, plants, minerals, water, fire; this is all we have.

I believe that people have free will, and that nurture is stronger than nature. I believe that people are inherently good. I believe in morality. My moral code is to treat others the way I would like to be treated. (It's really self-preservation. I'm sure the first time one caveman saw his neighbor killed by another caveman, he thought, "Hey, I don't want that happening to me. I think killing other cavemen is wrong, and I'll spread the word." Same thing the first time one caveman saw his neighbor with his cavewoman.) I'm not so self-righteous as to think myself perfect, but my goals are to not lie, cheat, steal, injure or in other way harm other people. That includes, to me, schadenfrude and wishing specific ills on people. Sure, you know I get angry at people for their stupid behavior, but I'd rather they change their behavior than be hit by a bus. Please trust that I exaggerate for comic effect. Now, it may not directly hurt someone else to enjoy her suffering or wish she would accidentally stick a fork in her eye, but harboring such thoughts opens us up to allowing ourselves to behave in a harmful way.

(I believe in right and wrong, but also in that which is neither. It just is what it is. Now, deliberately going out of your way to get in the way of someone else's happiness in the name of morality is a big no-no in my book. That's right, if my sex/love life doesn't involve you, it's none of your business, and not subject to morality.)

I don't get it when people say, "Well, you just have to have faith that there is a god, and when we die, we go to a better place." No, I don't. You know that old quote by Groucho, where he says that he wouldn't be a part of any club that would have him? Well, I wouldn't want to believe in any god that was happy with people being unquestioning sheep. It may be a paradox, but the best god would be one whose believers were atheists. Ok, you're right, that doesn't make any sense, but I like the sound of it.

People talk about the glories and happiness of being with God, but all I see are zealots, killing each other in the name of their god. I hear people calling themselves "chosen ones," when the fact is that they are the ones doing the choosing, not "God". Hatred, massacres, Crusades, destruction, in the name of a god. People just can't take responsibility for their own feelings. Do you hate homosexuality because God told you to, or because you just hate it? Do you want to destroy the magnificent libraries of a foreign people because they are heathens, or because you know they are smarter than you are, and you don't want to feel inferior? Do you grasp onto to hope of life after death because you hate the life you have? Even the good; I believe Jesus may have been a person who had great ideas. A philosopher doesn't believe God is talking to him, though; he takes credit for those ideas. I'd venture that most people who say God talks to them are schizophrenic. But that's another story.

We are born. We have a limited amount of tme on the Earth, and we can make of it what we choose. We are all limited by our resources; some are more attractive, or more intelligent, or more athletic. Society dictates how we start out, and sometimes how we will end up. Then we die. Maybe a victim of crime, or an accident, or disease. Rarely, people can live long enough that their bodies just give out. Then it's over. It doesn't matter what you did in your life that was good or bad or how often you went to church or how often you hurt others. We all die.

In the time I have, I'll follow my moral code (which is okay for most people! check the old Bible for the Golden Rule). If I'm wrong, and there is a God that would deem that a bad way to live, then I don't want its love or comfort. You can ask anyone who knows me, and I'll bet they agree that I'm a better person than George W. Bush, Osama bin Laden, Jerry Falwell, Ariel Sharon, or Yasser Arafat. And they all believe in God.

Clever Headline

The cast of Friends looks far too tan for people who are supposed to live in New York.

Kwanzaa starts tonight. It was started in the 60s and promotes such values as "believe in yourself" and "help the community". Hippies.

One More Thing

And another thing, Ms. Zellweger. Where do you get off playing Janis Joplin? She was fucked up on Southern Comfort and heroin for 75% of her life, but at least she could open up her eyes once in a while.

While I'm bitching about Renee Zellweger, I wish someone would tell her that if she keeps messing with her weight like that, she's going to have a heart attack. Guess what, honey? In the movies, they can make you look fat! It's true! And what's more, you don't have to shrink down to 90 pounds just to prove you're attractive! Oh, what's the point? I hate all of them. It's no wonder people like reality shows. Actors and celebrities are tiresome and repulsive. I mean, every day that passes, I grow more and more grossed out by Madonna. I even feel like apologizing for listening to her old music. This could go on and on. I'm going to watch "The Price is Right." At least Bob Barker never lets me down.

Seeing Things In A Whole New Light Isn't Necessarily A Good Thing

So, I see this ad for One True Thing, you know, the movie where Meryl Streep is Renee Zellweger's mom who gets cancer. Who the hell is this movie for? If you are a daughter, you could maybe appreciate your mom more, but it's not likely. If you are a daughter who has lost her mother, especially to cancer (hi!), all you could get out of this film is more grief. I'm tired of being forced to confront my greatest pain every other time I turn on the TV, thank you. Maybe a daughter of a mother who had cancer and beat it could feel so very lucky. Good for them. Personally, I hate people whose mothers beat cancer. Sure it's silly and irrational, and sure, a very close friend of mine just had that happen, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to punch her. So do me a favor, Haollywood, stop making movies about people with cancer. It's not like AIDS, which is a subject about which we need more exposure and education. It's cancer. It's ugly and painful, and the families of its victims are tired of being sad all the time.

Hey, if the families of Columbine students could get the final episode of Buffy Season 3 postponed because students used weapons (of the mostly medieval variety) against the town mayor-- who had transformed into a giant demon-- I can request that ER never reruns the episode where Mark Green's dad dies from lung cancer. I can request that Sharon Osbourne shut the hell up about how she was able to beat colon cancer (which is what my mom had) because she's so rich. I know nobody will pay attention to my requests, but if I can't vent in my blog, where can I vent?

Yule Love It!

I know. You're shocked that I'm awake so early, on a holiday, no less. Well, I was awakened this lovely X-Mas morn at 7:55 by the gentle strains of some crazy old woman yelling to another woman across the street while her big dog barked in protest. It was beautiful! I had to open my window and yell at them to move it along. What a great way to start the day!

I figured I might as well get up, what with the sun shining and all, so I turned on channel 11 to watch the Yule log. The news was still on, so I left the TV on and rolled over for a few more winks. Around 9 am, I kicked the cat off the bed, made it up, and did a couple of stretches. I showered, then went out for milk. I was thinking about making French toast, then I remembered that that would be unpatriotic, so I opted for Cream of Wheat. When I got home, I turned on the Yule log (a video of a fireplace with Christmas music playing in the background), turned on the tree, lit some holiday type candles, and started breakfast. I figured since it's a holiday, I deserved a big one. Coffee, grapefruit juice (my favorite juice), scrambled eggs with thyme, wheat toat, and Cream of Wheat with whole blueberries and milk. Yum! So, nobody needs to feel sorry for me that I'm staying home for Christmas.

Warning: May Be Harmful to Patient

I was just watching TV, and I heard the most ridiculous thing. The ad was for Strattera, a drug which is used to treat ADHD, otherwise known as "childhood behavior." Watch out! If your child is acting childlike, you may have to medicate it! Anyway, one of the many warnings included this statement: "Tell your doctor if your child has a history of heart problems." Um, if your doctor doesn't already know your child has a history of heart problems, you have serious parenting difficulties. Of course, the doctor needs to know, but if you have to be told to do that, you shouldn't even have kids. Wait, what am I thinking? People who have their children treated for imaginary diseases are idiots by default. I apologize. The ad men did the right thing. You go, ad men!

Holiday Notes

Happy Christmas Eve, sixth day of Hanukkah, post-winter solstice, etc. As a Santa worshipper, I'm about done with this holiday season. Of course, it'll really be over when I wake up wearing one sparkly earring and an evening gown hiked up around my waist, with mascara smeared all over my face, on my neighbor's floor on New Year's Day, but as far as the standard holiday goes, I've gotten my best gifts already. My very thoughtful and excellent boyfriend got me Seasons 1 and 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD, as well as an amazing Silkstone Body Fashion Model Barbie Doll. She's fabulous! And she has nifty lingerie and headshots. My roommate gave me a cute little purple brocade makeup bag with a tiny travel brush with a mirror on the back. My friend Scott gave me a candle that lights up a Christmas tree scene, and my friend Jae bought me a dress from H&M which I haven't seen yet.

I got my boyfriend a picture frame with a shot of us smooching at his birthday party, a T-shirt and CD from the hilarious Homestarrunner site, the Looney Tunes Visual Guide and the Looney Tunes Premiere Collection on DVD. My friend Scott got a candle with a white rose holder, Larry got a gift certificate to his favorite store, Jae got rhinestone Hello Kitty jewelry, and my roommate Candy got a foil cutter and two wine stoppers. I had fun buying gifts this year. Normally, I hate obligatory gift giving, but I just kept my list small. I felt like, considering my employment status, that no one was expecting anything from me, which made it more fun to shop. Not that I ever left the comfort of my computer, but, still.

In other news, some sicko came through our front gate, let their small dog mount our stoop and crap right on our brown doormat. It was very disturbing. I'm assuming my landlord cleaned it up, because it was raining, the stool was loose, and I wasn't touching it. It was easy enough to step over. It's gone now anyway. Why would anyone do that? Who in the house has such a perverse enemy? I know it isn't me, because I don't know anyone with a dog in the neighborhood. Very strange.

By the way, I read in an article from last year that lots of people knew about Strom Thurmond's love child for years, but neither of them admitted to their true relationship. How lame.

What else is happening?

I watched 8 episodes of Buffy today, as well as two soap operas and an episode of Smallville. I have issues. I need to have my TV taken away. Wait, I spoke too rashly. Never mind.

Saw Return of the King, the other day. It was fabulous. I had some trouble with the light tone of the ending, the heavy homoerotic tension between Frodo and Sam, and the fact that some people haven't figured out that you need to arrive early to a movie in New York if you want a seat, but otherwise, I was floored. I totally cried through most of it. Full disclosure, I totally cried while watching Buffy and Passions today, too, so it's hard to judge by me. I tend to get emotional.

Seems we're burying my mother's ashes next to her parents on Saturday. A holiday surprise, I guess.

Oh, you know what pisses me off? No, besides that. Besides that. Look, I know a lot pisses me off, you don't have to rub it in. Anyway, I hate receiving Christmas cards "return to sender." What is a person to do? God forbid someone I haven't talked to in over a year wouldn't let me know that she had moved. Ingrates.

Okay, no more screens. My retinas are fried. Happy Holidays! Maybe I'll do a Best of 2003 later in the week. If I can tear myself away from Buffy.

Recent Shocking Events

Sure, it's big news that the US captured Saddam Hussein. I'll admit that I was surprised. Good for those special forces. I know the Iraqi "government" wants to execute him, but I don't think that's such a good idea. Of course, I don't believe in the death penalty. To me, it makes no sense to punish a murderer with murder. It's basically hypocritical, and doesn't really punish the offender. At least the UN is coming out against execution, but they may have no say in the matter. I'm sure the US government will make sure to torture him until he says he had weapons of mass destruction. In the end, the most interesting part of the story to me is that they found him at all.

Now, a much more riveting story is the one about Strom Thurmond and his jungle fever. I'm just disappointed she waited until he was dead to come out with this. I would have loved to have heard his reaction. I applaud his family for acknowledging the woman as his daughter, but it's still disappointing that he supported and acknowledged her in private for her whole life, rather than in public. Also, the fact that she allowed his career to be more important to her than his hypocrisy makes me sick. I'm so glad nothing has happened to make me stop disliking Strom Thurmond. Even dead he strikes me as an unmitigated piece of shit. Way to go, South Carolina!

Oh, You Want Me to Blog?

Hey, I'm doing the best that I can. I work three mornings a week at the front desk of a music school, during which I have no internet access. Once or twice a week, I'm in a ticket broker's tiny Manhattan studio apartment, "assisting". No really, I do the filing and stuff. Every Monday, I have to put together a two set show, get gussied up, and perform. Also, I like to spend time with my boyfriend and my drinking buddies. When I am online, I'm putting together my budget, paying my bills, looking for jobs, managing my Avon business, selling stuff on eBay, reading my e-mail, checking the Survivor recap, and syncing my Palm Pilot. So, I'm not reeling with free time for blogging. But, if you insist...

OK, the requested topics were Michael Jackson, a naked samurai, Gore's endorsement of Dean, and Christmas shopping.

Michael Jackson: It's all very unfortunate, but considering that I don't figure I'll be sending my kids to the Neverland Ranch anytime soon, I really don't care if he's a child molester. I already thought he was a freak and haven't bought any of his albums. In my opinion, this is for the courts to decide. But one thing I can say, I believe that there is an extreme possibility that the case is financially motivated. However, not being privy to evidence, speculating beyond that would be irresponsible.

Naked samurai? I had to look this one up. Turns out some guy hacked up his wife in the Bronx. It's a horrible story. Then the idiot cop fired 14 times, somehow also shooting her partner. I guess she was afraid of the sword, since she was taken to the hospital for trauma. I would be freaked out, I'm sure. Blades scare the hell out of me. Just thinking about what the victim went through is making my skin hurt. Ok, that's enough of that.

Gore endorsed Howard Dean. So, the guy who couldn't get it together to win an electoral majority over George "Dumb? Yeah" Bush after his predecessor -- to whom he was Vice-President -- left office in an up economy endorsed someone for the Democratic nomination. Who cares? The Democrats are already fucked. It's like five guys who are basically the same. You want to win an election, bring in something exciting, like, say, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Or Geraldo Rivera. So Gore didn't endorse one of the reasons he didn't win in 2000. I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you. Gore didn't endorse a candidate who has no chance in hell of winning? Unbelievable! Let's get set for 4 more years of war-mongering and isolationism, because the next Democrat to be President will also have the last name of a former POTUS, and I ain't talkin' about George Clinton. Although that would be so cool. The US could use some funking up. Bow wow wow yippee-o yippee-ay....

What's in for Christmas? DVDs! Everybody loves them. They're better gifts than tapes, because they seem "high-tech". Hot titles? I'd say Lord of the Rings, Matrix Reloaded, the Indiana Jones set, and TV show sets like Alias and Friends. I already did almost all of my shopping, using Amazon.com and Avon. Haven't left the house for a present yet. I hate shopping, though. Stores are too hot and you have your coat on, and there are other people (which you know I hate), and you have to carry a bunch of crap... it's just not worth it. I hardly even shop for myself. One thing to beware of are the gift cards. I just read that many of them take out fees for waiting to use them, and they put that in the super fine print. So, you think you have a $20 gift card, but if you wait 6 months to use it, it turns out to be like a $14 gift card. That's crap! You should check the rules if you go that route. My nephew wants cash, but I'm going to trick him by hiding a $10 bill in a book. Who knows what he's saving up for, but I'm not contributing to some violent video game or a stack of stroke books, that's for sure. Oh, wait, I guess I am, but not much.

OK, can I go now? I'm hungry, and I hardly ever get a chance to sit down and eat these days.