A Very Special Blossom
I'm such a wuss. I just cried because of an episode of Moesha. What can I say? I'm easily moved by very special episodes of black sitcoms. Like that one episode of The Fresh Price of Bel Air when Carlton accidentally takes some speed Will had in his locker and has to go to the hospital and Phil is angry with Will and Will cries because he didn't mean to hurt Carlton; that gets me every time. Of course, it could have something to do with the bloody mary I was inspired to make this morning, but I doubt it.
(Stoli vodka, tomato juice, Worcestershire, Tabasco, horseradish, lemon juice, celery seed, fresh ground pepper, lots of ice, three green olives, and a lime wedge. Stir and sip.)
Obviously, I ditched the sick diet. You know, a bad diet is like a bad boyfriend. While you're with it, your friends are supportive and complimentary, but as soon as you get rid of it, they can't tell you what a bad idea it was fast enough. Anyway, my blood sugar got so low that I would start crying for no reason and my mood was zinging all over the place. Not worth it. I'd rather be happy than skinny any day.
I'll be at Cattle Call at Therapy (52nd between 8th and 9th) on September 4. I want to win, so come and clap for me! Also, this Sunday is the big roundup at The Slide on Bowery, which I would also like to win. If you want more info, just e-mail me at the "reach out" link above.
Friday, August 29, 2003
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
The Call of the Wild
Sometimes the Kavorka is a great burden. Even gay men can't keep their hands off me. Maybe I should start wearing garlic around my neck. Hey, I like the attention, but it's getting ridiculous. Whistles, cat calls, and unintelligible compliments in foreign languages are one thing, but when a big homo is sticking his tongue down your throat, you have to wonder. I guess I'm muy caliente. Or it could be the booze.
No, it's me. I'm a hottie. Oh, the burden!
Seriously. Only hot people understand how hard it is to have people pawing and leering and drooling all over you. But, I must persevere. No baggy clothing and bad hair for me. I must maintain the standard of hotness that I have previously displayed, or let down my hot sisters and brothers.
No, I'm not drunk. What are you talking about?
Where was I? Oh yes. All I'm saying is, for God's sake people, it's not cool to kiss the straight girl in the gay bar! Sheesh! How am I ever going to live that down?
Sometimes the Kavorka is a great burden. Even gay men can't keep their hands off me. Maybe I should start wearing garlic around my neck. Hey, I like the attention, but it's getting ridiculous. Whistles, cat calls, and unintelligible compliments in foreign languages are one thing, but when a big homo is sticking his tongue down your throat, you have to wonder. I guess I'm muy caliente. Or it could be the booze.
No, it's me. I'm a hottie. Oh, the burden!
Seriously. Only hot people understand how hard it is to have people pawing and leering and drooling all over you. But, I must persevere. No baggy clothing and bad hair for me. I must maintain the standard of hotness that I have previously displayed, or let down my hot sisters and brothers.
No, I'm not drunk. What are you talking about?
Where was I? Oh yes. All I'm saying is, for God's sake people, it's not cool to kiss the straight girl in the gay bar! Sheesh! How am I ever going to live that down?
Sunday, August 24, 2003
What's Up?
What the hell's been going on? Well, I saw some of the HOWL! festival in the East Village yesterday, including Wigstock's glorious return to Tompkin's Square Park. That was a blast, even though I didn't get to see all of the show. A few local divas did a Laugh-In style party scene, including All-Beef Patty and Ginger from Lips, and Mirkala Cristal from Stonewall. I couldn't see it, but it was hilarious. Sample joke: "Hey Patty, what's the difference between Lady Bunny and a bucket of pig shit?" "I don't know, what?" "The bucket!" Who knew you could be that filthy that early in the day? Hooray for the East Village!
I just started doing the Induction phase of the Atkin's diet. I need to trick my body into thinking it's starving so I can jump start a little weight loss. I know it sounds bizarre, but I'm interested to see if it will work. I'm pretty good at controlling my eating habits when I want to; much better than I am at getting around to some exercise. I'm just going to do it for two weeks (I'm on day three). If nothing changes by then, I'm back on carbo-loading. I'll keep you informed.
Still not smoking. It's great. Seriously.
Great audition on Friday, and I got a new gig at a straight bar in Murray Hill. Heh. If you can tell me why that's funny, you win a low-carb cookie.
I haven't seen the news much lately, but I just realized I haven't blogged since right before the blackout. It was dark. That's pretty much it. I walked across the bridge from Brooklyn to Queens, was in a bitchy mood, and got utterly obliterated on Friday night. My freezer is so cold, we still had ice when the power came back on. I did hear Mayor Bloomberg talking out of his ass about supposed Canadian power-stealing. What a dill-hole.
Well, that's the news from Lake Wobegone via Greenpoint. If you want to see me, I'll be at The Slide tonight on Bowery and Great Jones, Stonewall tomorrow night at 8, and God knows where else the rest of the week. Kisses!
What the hell's been going on? Well, I saw some of the HOWL! festival in the East Village yesterday, including Wigstock's glorious return to Tompkin's Square Park. That was a blast, even though I didn't get to see all of the show. A few local divas did a Laugh-In style party scene, including All-Beef Patty and Ginger from Lips, and Mirkala Cristal from Stonewall. I couldn't see it, but it was hilarious. Sample joke: "Hey Patty, what's the difference between Lady Bunny and a bucket of pig shit?" "I don't know, what?" "The bucket!" Who knew you could be that filthy that early in the day? Hooray for the East Village!
I just started doing the Induction phase of the Atkin's diet. I need to trick my body into thinking it's starving so I can jump start a little weight loss. I know it sounds bizarre, but I'm interested to see if it will work. I'm pretty good at controlling my eating habits when I want to; much better than I am at getting around to some exercise. I'm just going to do it for two weeks (I'm on day three). If nothing changes by then, I'm back on carbo-loading. I'll keep you informed.
Still not smoking. It's great. Seriously.
Great audition on Friday, and I got a new gig at a straight bar in Murray Hill. Heh. If you can tell me why that's funny, you win a low-carb cookie.
I haven't seen the news much lately, but I just realized I haven't blogged since right before the blackout. It was dark. That's pretty much it. I walked across the bridge from Brooklyn to Queens, was in a bitchy mood, and got utterly obliterated on Friday night. My freezer is so cold, we still had ice when the power came back on. I did hear Mayor Bloomberg talking out of his ass about supposed Canadian power-stealing. What a dill-hole.
Well, that's the news from Lake Wobegone via Greenpoint. If you want to see me, I'll be at The Slide tonight on Bowery and Great Jones, Stonewall tomorrow night at 8, and God knows where else the rest of the week. Kisses!
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Ask A Stupid Question...
I'm all for provoking sensationalist dialogue, but RNN's poll question today is just terribly worded:
Could Iraq Become Another Watergate?
Well, let's see. Iraq is a country, the Watergate is a hotel. So, I'm saying, no. Probably not.
Or do they mean could the Iraq situation become another Watergate scandal? Again, situation in Iraq; war. Watergate scandal; political crime. So, I'm still not seeing the connection.
Could the situation in Iraq have the same consequences as the Watergate scandal? Considering that Bush's approval rating remains quite high in spite of the snafu that is the war in Iraq, I doubt he'll be pressured to resign. Or have I missed something in the past day or so? One of New York's tabloids featured a big picture of Bush cuddling his terrier today, so I doubt it.
This question sucks, but it is good for mocking.
I'm all for provoking sensationalist dialogue, but RNN's poll question today is just terribly worded:
Could Iraq Become Another Watergate?
Well, let's see. Iraq is a country, the Watergate is a hotel. So, I'm saying, no. Probably not.
Or do they mean could the Iraq situation become another Watergate scandal? Again, situation in Iraq; war. Watergate scandal; political crime. So, I'm still not seeing the connection.
Could the situation in Iraq have the same consequences as the Watergate scandal? Considering that Bush's approval rating remains quite high in spite of the snafu that is the war in Iraq, I doubt he'll be pressured to resign. Or have I missed something in the past day or so? One of New York's tabloids featured a big picture of Bush cuddling his terrier today, so I doubt it.
This question sucks, but it is good for mocking.
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
I've Paid Enough
TheCounter.com has started charging to report my hits, and I refuse to pay for that kind of information. So, I need you, Constant Reader, to e-mail me once in a while to let me know that there's someone out there. Just drop me a line, let me know you're reading, tell me what you like about the blog, that kind of stuff. And remember, I love you.
TheCounter.com has started charging to report my hits, and I refuse to pay for that kind of information. So, I need you, Constant Reader, to e-mail me once in a while to let me know that there's someone out there. Just drop me a line, let me know you're reading, tell me what you like about the blog, that kind of stuff. And remember, I love you.
Damn Hippies
For the first time ever (and I pray the last), I agree with Ann Coulter. We should just give California back to Mexico.
Schwarzenegger? He's a pro-choice Republican married to a Kennedy who, despite his many years in America, still speaks with an often unintelligible Austrian accent. Arianna Huffington? Sure, she's smart and funny, but her anti-SUV campaign shows a radical nature poorly suited for governorship. Then there's Gary Coleman, Gallagher, and Larry Flynt, not to mention 190+ other nut-job candidates on the ballot. The recall is a stupid idea in the first place. It undermines the democratic process and just makes the country look even more out of control. Thanks California!
For the first time ever (and I pray the last), I agree with Ann Coulter. We should just give California back to Mexico.
Schwarzenegger? He's a pro-choice Republican married to a Kennedy who, despite his many years in America, still speaks with an often unintelligible Austrian accent. Arianna Huffington? Sure, she's smart and funny, but her anti-SUV campaign shows a radical nature poorly suited for governorship. Then there's Gary Coleman, Gallagher, and Larry Flynt, not to mention 190+ other nut-job candidates on the ballot. The recall is a stupid idea in the first place. It undermines the democratic process and just makes the country look even more out of control. Thanks California!
I Am My Own Personal Science Experiment
Since I quit smoking, I've had quite a bit of phlegm, mucus and whatnot choking me day and night. This is especially fun when I'm rehearsing. I knew that you cough a lot after you quit, but I wasn't clear on exactly why until my clever boyfriend told me. Smoking coats the cilia in your lungs with tar, which paralyzes them, slowing their rapid beating, which normally clears the lungs of debris. This is why you cough when you inhale smoke (if you're not a smoker). Since the cilia can't do their job, all sorts of crap -- like dirt and dust and pollutants -- stays in your lungs. When you stop smoking, the cilia slowly come back to life. In fact, you even grow new cilia. Those suckers start beating away again, and before you know it, your lungs are sweeping out the dirt. Thus, hacking like a consumptive whore.
Here's the thing: I'm very intrigued by this. I've been smoking for 16 years, and pretty heavily in the last 10. I know that over time the lungs can clear themselves little by little, but still, there has got to be a lot of junk in my lungs. Every day, I know they're cleaning themselves, and I can't wait to see how this all turns out. Will I be able to climb a flight of stairs without gasping for breath? Will I be able to sing better? Will it feel different? I feel like I'm my very own specimen in a science experiment. There's no way in hell I would compromise the project by having even one cigarette. Besides, I don't even want them anymore. I think my twisted relationship with cigarettes is finally over. It's too bad my mom couldn't be here to see this. Check me out: singing, not smoking, great boyfriend, terribly well-adjusted. Way to go, Alexia! Next thing you know, I'll keep up an exercise regimen and drop that extra 10 pounds I've been lugging around for the past 3 years!
Since I quit smoking, I've had quite a bit of phlegm, mucus and whatnot choking me day and night. This is especially fun when I'm rehearsing. I knew that you cough a lot after you quit, but I wasn't clear on exactly why until my clever boyfriend told me. Smoking coats the cilia in your lungs with tar, which paralyzes them, slowing their rapid beating, which normally clears the lungs of debris. This is why you cough when you inhale smoke (if you're not a smoker). Since the cilia can't do their job, all sorts of crap -- like dirt and dust and pollutants -- stays in your lungs. When you stop smoking, the cilia slowly come back to life. In fact, you even grow new cilia. Those suckers start beating away again, and before you know it, your lungs are sweeping out the dirt. Thus, hacking like a consumptive whore.
Here's the thing: I'm very intrigued by this. I've been smoking for 16 years, and pretty heavily in the last 10. I know that over time the lungs can clear themselves little by little, but still, there has got to be a lot of junk in my lungs. Every day, I know they're cleaning themselves, and I can't wait to see how this all turns out. Will I be able to climb a flight of stairs without gasping for breath? Will I be able to sing better? Will it feel different? I feel like I'm my very own specimen in a science experiment. There's no way in hell I would compromise the project by having even one cigarette. Besides, I don't even want them anymore. I think my twisted relationship with cigarettes is finally over. It's too bad my mom couldn't be here to see this. Check me out: singing, not smoking, great boyfriend, terribly well-adjusted. Way to go, Alexia! Next thing you know, I'll keep up an exercise regimen and drop that extra 10 pounds I've been lugging around for the past 3 years!
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Losing Their Religion
What does RNN want to know today?
Episcopal Church Elects Gay Bishop: Do You Agree With the Decision?
Well, since I'm not Episcopalian, it doesn't really matter if I agree, now, does it? Also, without knowing all the ins and outs of their religion, how on earth could I make an informed decision about the validity of the election? I will say that I'm glad the decision-makers overlooked the eleventh hour attempt to discredit the Bishop with a glaringly homophobic and -- at the very least -- exaggerated missive to the church. Way to be reasonable, Episcopal Church!
What does RNN want to know today?
Episcopal Church Elects Gay Bishop: Do You Agree With the Decision?
Well, since I'm not Episcopalian, it doesn't really matter if I agree, now, does it? Also, without knowing all the ins and outs of their religion, how on earth could I make an informed decision about the validity of the election? I will say that I'm glad the decision-makers overlooked the eleventh hour attempt to discredit the Bishop with a glaringly homophobic and -- at the very least -- exaggerated missive to the church. Way to be reasonable, Episcopal Church!
Monday, August 04, 2003
Catching Up With Alexia
Hola amigos, I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya...
Nah, just kidding. But it has been a while since I've gotten personal. Some things I just had to blog about.
Today, I'm quitting smoking. Yes, I've done it before, but they say practice makes perfect, and I've had a lot of practice at quitting. Look, I'm going to be 30 years old in two months. I'm on the Pill. I have a huge cancer history in my family. I can't smoke in bars anymore anyway. This is just it. I still support other people's right to smoke, I just have to stop.
According to the lady who felt me up this morning, my breasts and my ovaries are just fine. Isn't that nice to hear?
In other good news, I'm finally getting my security deposit back from my old apartment. I was starting to get a little worried that I would end up on Judge Judy or The People's Court, trying to squeeze $900 out of two old Italian people. But I can breathe easier, knowing "the check is in the mail." Good thing, since I had to pay $200 for being groped today and $100 to get my headshots developed. Oy, does it add up!
Still blissfully happy with my boyfriend (what do you expect; it's only been 4 months!). We saw Motorhead, Dio and Iron Maiden from the New York Times skybox at MSG for his 30th birthday. METAL! It was super cool. The free booze and food didn't hurt either.
I've been out every single night since Wednesday, and it's not going to end any time soon. So very tired. Thankfully, I have plenty of time today to take a nice nap.
And that's life in Alexia's world right now!
Hola amigos, I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya...
Nah, just kidding. But it has been a while since I've gotten personal. Some things I just had to blog about.
Today, I'm quitting smoking. Yes, I've done it before, but they say practice makes perfect, and I've had a lot of practice at quitting. Look, I'm going to be 30 years old in two months. I'm on the Pill. I have a huge cancer history in my family. I can't smoke in bars anymore anyway. This is just it. I still support other people's right to smoke, I just have to stop.
According to the lady who felt me up this morning, my breasts and my ovaries are just fine. Isn't that nice to hear?
In other good news, I'm finally getting my security deposit back from my old apartment. I was starting to get a little worried that I would end up on Judge Judy or The People's Court, trying to squeeze $900 out of two old Italian people. But I can breathe easier, knowing "the check is in the mail." Good thing, since I had to pay $200 for being groped today and $100 to get my headshots developed. Oy, does it add up!
Still blissfully happy with my boyfriend (what do you expect; it's only been 4 months!). We saw Motorhead, Dio and Iron Maiden from the New York Times skybox at MSG for his 30th birthday. METAL! It was super cool. The free booze and food didn't hurt either.
I've been out every single night since Wednesday, and it's not going to end any time soon. So very tired. Thankfully, I have plenty of time today to take a nice nap.
And that's life in Alexia's world right now!
Friday, August 01, 2003
Reiteration of the Truth
I already expounded on this subject the other day, but RNN wants to know:
Can Any of the Democratic Candidates Defeat Bush in 2004?
I'm leaning towards "no," unfortunately, but to list all the reasons why would take some serious time, taking into consideration the long list of Democratic candidates. Actually, that's a good part of the reason right there. Too many candidates, no solid Democratic platform, and no one with enough charisma to beat Mr. Weasel-Eyes. No amount of gay daughters is going to help the Dems now.
I already expounded on this subject the other day, but RNN wants to know:
Can Any of the Democratic Candidates Defeat Bush in 2004?
I'm leaning towards "no," unfortunately, but to list all the reasons why would take some serious time, taking into consideration the long list of Democratic candidates. Actually, that's a good part of the reason right there. Too many candidates, no solid Democratic platform, and no one with enough charisma to beat Mr. Weasel-Eyes. No amount of gay daughters is going to help the Dems now.
Today's Fashion Peeve
It's true that I have a general dislike for today's women's footwear. I can hardly ever find a pair of shoes that I would buy or be caught dead wearing. Ugly toes, whether too pointy or too elfin; heels that are too short or strangely shaped or make one's calf and ankle one entity; colors and fabrics that assure that you will never find anything to wear with them; mixtures of dress and athletic styles; and cheap construction that causes the balls of your feet to start burning like you're walking on hot coals after about two blocks of foot travel.
But one of the worst things about women's shoes is the trend. When a style of shoes becomes popular (or Sarah Jessica Parker wears them on Sex and the City), you can't swing a dead cat without hitting some poor fashion victim sporting the latest hideous trend. Currently, I hate those mesh chinese slippers with the sequined embroidery. First of all, if you want to wear house shoes, stay in the house. Secondly, I really don't want to see your whole toe covered by pink mesh. It nauseates me. Third, when you and your friend are wearing the same shoes, the same style skirt, and the same stupid top with your bra straps showing, it's time to get a personal sense of style. It's strange that a pair of shoes could so infuriate me, but I'm easily irritated by ubiquity.
Next thing you know, people will be wearing white shoes after Labor Day. Look, white shoes are hardly ever a good thing, but in the fall, they're just tacky. I don't care what anyone says about fashion changing, some things are just right. And stop wearing sheer black stockings in the daytime, stockings with sandals, and knee highs with skirts. You look stupid.
So says Alexia.
It's true that I have a general dislike for today's women's footwear. I can hardly ever find a pair of shoes that I would buy or be caught dead wearing. Ugly toes, whether too pointy or too elfin; heels that are too short or strangely shaped or make one's calf and ankle one entity; colors and fabrics that assure that you will never find anything to wear with them; mixtures of dress and athletic styles; and cheap construction that causes the balls of your feet to start burning like you're walking on hot coals after about two blocks of foot travel.
But one of the worst things about women's shoes is the trend. When a style of shoes becomes popular (or Sarah Jessica Parker wears them on Sex and the City), you can't swing a dead cat without hitting some poor fashion victim sporting the latest hideous trend. Currently, I hate those mesh chinese slippers with the sequined embroidery. First of all, if you want to wear house shoes, stay in the house. Secondly, I really don't want to see your whole toe covered by pink mesh. It nauseates me. Third, when you and your friend are wearing the same shoes, the same style skirt, and the same stupid top with your bra straps showing, it's time to get a personal sense of style. It's strange that a pair of shoes could so infuriate me, but I'm easily irritated by ubiquity.
Next thing you know, people will be wearing white shoes after Labor Day. Look, white shoes are hardly ever a good thing, but in the fall, they're just tacky. I don't care what anyone says about fashion changing, some things are just right. And stop wearing sheer black stockings in the daytime, stockings with sandals, and knee highs with skirts. You look stupid.
So says Alexia.
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