Monday, October 20, 2003

Easy Questions

This week's RNN Poll Questions:

Iraq: Should We Have Known Better?

Yes.

Bronx Catholic Parish Insists Wedded Gays Leave Choir: Your Reaction?

Bronx Catholics don't like homos? You don't say. Earth to married gay people: become Episcopalians. It's still about Jesus.

Is Mayor Bloomberg Doing a Good Job?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha...hoo...

Oh, um, no.

Friday, October 17, 2003

We'll Be Back After This Brief Pause...

I know I haven't blogged in two weeks, but I've been pretty busy, rehearsing for shows. The last big one is tonight. I feel comfortable about the performance, I'm just concerned about having a decent sized house. I hardly had anyone on Wednesday, although I was happy with the people I did have. What I need is better publicity. It's just hard to do it all myself.

So, next week I start working every day, although not for money every day (it's involved), so I may not be blogging again for a while. I hope you can live without me!
More Signs of the Apocalypse

What the hell is going on in the world of music? Rod Stewart releases an album of standards, with Cher and Queen Latifah doing duets? Huh? There's just so much to say about that... I can't even start.

Friday, October 03, 2003

It's My Birthday, Too, Yeah!

Happy birthday to me! It's my birthday and today I am 30 years old. That's right, I said it. I'm not freaking out about it. My biggest concern is that now I only have a limited time left to decide whether I want to go ahead and increase the surplus population. For everything else, I've got tons of time. I quit smoking, and I'm in relatively good health; even though I live in New York, I intend to be around for a while. Plus, I look fantastic for 30. Sure, that may sound vain, and it is, but this is my blog and I get to say whatever I want to. Besides, I do look fantastic for thirty. My tip: Stay out of the sun and wear SPF 15 on your face everyday. Also, drink large quatities of gin. It's a preservative!

Anyway, happy birthday to Alexia, and on Sunday happy birthday to Larue. Go Libras!

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Welcome to Rocktober!

October is the best month. Not only is my birthday in it, as well as the birthdays of a slew of other fantastic Libra friends of mine, but it has Halloween, Columbus Day, and the real advent of Fall. By the way, my birthday is this Friday, and I do have an Amazon wish list.

The real reason I want to write about October is that it is time to put away the open-toed shoes, ladies and gents. Can the flip-flops (nasty things that they are on most people), the Chinese mesh slippers I've already ranted about, the Birkenstocks, the open-toed pumps, and anything else that showcases your bare feet. (Of course, this is strictly daytime advice, because a woman with a nice pedicure and very appropriate shoes for dress and occasion can get away with it at night. Still not recommended though.) For one, you have gross feet. You never get a pedicure, and that ashy big toe look has never been in. It's chilly outside, and when you wear flip-flops and a sweater outside of the beach, you look like what you are. A big dummy. And don't try to get around it by wearing hose or socks underneath, because that is just twelve kinds of wrong and you know that, so why are you trying?

Give up the ghost people. Payless is having a great sale on cute boots right now, so you have no excuses.
Open Letter to MTA Bus Riders

Dear Idiots,

When you exit a city bus through the center, or "back", door, wait until the light comes on, then press the yellow tape. This will open the doors automatically, and hold them open so you can exit without pushing so hard you herniate something and letting the doors fly back to hit other passengers. If you weren't such a bunch of mouth-breathing imbeciles, you might notice that there is a sign, at eye level, telling you to press the yellow tape before you open the door. You can even just press on the door where the yellow tape is, if you want to feel like part of the opening process. But trust me, in a fully operational city bus, simply pressing the tape will cause hydraulics to open the door for you, and hold it open for a few seconds. Guess what else! If the door is about to close, you can press the tape again to keep it open for passengers exiting behind you. Amazing, eh?

Now, I know what you're thinking, "How can I, a regular passenger, open the center door without hurtling myself into it?" I know you're thinking this because the drool from your gaping pie-hole has probably obscured the first part of this letter and you've forgotten the main point already. That's all I can figure, because it seems that anyone with half a brain would understand and remember to PRESS THE FREAKING YELLOW TAPE TO OPEN THE GODDAMN CENTER DOOR ON THE BUS!

Thanks for your attention, and see you on the bus! Jackasses.

Love,

Alexia
I Still Don't Care About Sports

They can gay up about anything these days. Now even sports journalists are coming out of the closet. Before you know it, Log Cabin Republicans will be taken seriously, rather than be sources of confused head-scratching (no offense, L). But they can't get me. You can throw gay tight ends into football, I'm still not going to sit around on a couch every Sunday watching it on television. You know what would get me to watch football? More cheerleaer shots and full coverage of the marching bands. And marching bands added to professional football. And smaller outfits for the cheerleaders. Heck, replace all the current cheerleaders with XFL girls. Weren't they all strippers? Where was I? Oh yeah, way to go Ed Gray. Glad you waited until you were close to retirement before you decided to take a stand. Of course it's a good thing, but I'll be more impressed when Mike Piazza comes out. Oh, you know he's gay. He's super-gay.