Random Notes
I love that Geico commercial with the white rapper. "Always use good manners when you're eatin' a sloppy joe-oe." That cracks me up.
I cannot abide Cottonelle and Charmin toilet paper. It leaves too much lint in my business. Give me drugstore brand TP any day.
A contestant on Pyramid who is supposedly a radio personality didn't know where Motown is. Shouldn't she be fired, or stoned or something?
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Monday, September 15, 2003
Too Much Monkey Business
Well, I guess it's time to get a job. The new daytime TV schedule started today, and I have no idea what's going on. My world has turned upside down! COPS in place of Roseanne! No Married With Children! Family Feud is on FOX and I can't find Pyramid! It's all so disconcerting.
Oprah is interviewing Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and she has Beyonce Knowles in the second half of her show. Tomorrow? Madonna. Of course. Yeah, this is the woman who should be giving advice to regular women about living a better life. A life of delusion, maybe.
Well, I guess it's time to get a job. The new daytime TV schedule started today, and I have no idea what's going on. My world has turned upside down! COPS in place of Roseanne! No Married With Children! Family Feud is on FOX and I can't find Pyramid! It's all so disconcerting.
Oprah is interviewing Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and she has Beyonce Knowles in the second half of her show. Tomorrow? Madonna. Of course. Yeah, this is the woman who should be giving advice to regular women about living a better life. A life of delusion, maybe.
Fame, However Obscure
This is direct quote from Michael Musto's September 8 column, La Dolce Musto, in the Village Voice.
----
More tastefully, the nouveau-claustro boîte the Slide houses a delightfully off-kilter Sunday-night talent show, hosted by saucy Shaboom Boom and judged by Clover Honey ("I'm Paula Abdul with a dick") and hilarious dinner-theater lush Lavinia Draper. Before belting her big number, the winning contestant told the judges, "I listened to your advice from last week. I wore more jewels and this time you'll know I want to fuck Nicky Arnstein!"
----
And who is that winning contestant? ME! (If you don't know who Nicky Arnstein is, feel free to e-mail me.) I freaked out when I read it. I am so flattered that one of my favorite writers, a terribly witty person, thought that I was funny enough to quote in his column. Hoo-hah!
This is direct quote from Michael Musto's September 8 column, La Dolce Musto, in the Village Voice.
----
More tastefully, the nouveau-claustro boîte the Slide houses a delightfully off-kilter Sunday-night talent show, hosted by saucy Shaboom Boom and judged by Clover Honey ("I'm Paula Abdul with a dick") and hilarious dinner-theater lush Lavinia Draper. Before belting her big number, the winning contestant told the judges, "I listened to your advice from last week. I wore more jewels and this time you'll know I want to fuck Nicky Arnstein!"
----
And who is that winning contestant? ME! (If you don't know who Nicky Arnstein is, feel free to e-mail me.) I freaked out when I read it. I am so flattered that one of my favorite writers, a terribly witty person, thought that I was funny enough to quote in his column. Hoo-hah!
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Success, Finally
I finally figured out (with the help of my friendly sysadmin) how to update my website. It's not important what stupid thing I forgot to do; what is important is that now, I can do some updating. Click the link to the left, "Everything," to check it out.
The other night, I stopped into the McDonald's on Broadway near Astor Place, and the kid who took my order had fangs. I'm talking prosthetics. Then I took gander at his name tag. "Lestat," it read. Oh, give me a break. What a loser. YOU WORK AT MCDONALD'S! YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE! Sheesh.
And what is up with those bitchy Weight Watchers commericals, where the women try to undermine each other's self-confidence and body image? "So much for the weight loss plan." "Maybe that's why you quit your diet." Thank you, Weight Watchers, for perpetuating the image of women as spiteful, competitive, insecure cunts. Thank you, thank you.
And how are you?
I finally figured out (with the help of my friendly sysadmin) how to update my website. It's not important what stupid thing I forgot to do; what is important is that now, I can do some updating. Click the link to the left, "Everything," to check it out.
The other night, I stopped into the McDonald's on Broadway near Astor Place, and the kid who took my order had fangs. I'm talking prosthetics. Then I took gander at his name tag. "Lestat," it read. Oh, give me a break. What a loser. YOU WORK AT MCDONALD'S! YOU ARE NOT A VAMPIRE! Sheesh.
And what is up with those bitchy Weight Watchers commericals, where the women try to undermine each other's self-confidence and body image? "So much for the weight loss plan." "Maybe that's why you quit your diet." Thank you, Weight Watchers, for perpetuating the image of women as spiteful, competitive, insecure cunts. Thank you, thank you.
And how are you?
Friday, September 05, 2003
Another Stupid Question
The folks at RNN have another inane, obvious question for us:
Should Parents Be Able to Choose Which Public School Their Kids Attend?
The answer: No. I mean, duh. Instead of parents choosing a public school based on what the schools has to offer (instead of children going to the geographically closest scool, which makes sense), perhaps the state's department of education could make an effort to make sure that all schools have equivalent assets. I know, it's hard to think of pulling the big bucks out of the schools in the rich, white neighborhoods and distributing them equitably among all schools, but it does make... wait for it... SENSE.
Now, if you have alternative schools, like schools that focus on arts or sciences, students apply. That also makes sense. But for your basic college prep public school, assignment should be based on geography and funding applied in a way that makes all schools equal. How hard can that be?
The folks at RNN have another inane, obvious question for us:
Should Parents Be Able to Choose Which Public School Their Kids Attend?
The answer: No. I mean, duh. Instead of parents choosing a public school based on what the schools has to offer (instead of children going to the geographically closest scool, which makes sense), perhaps the state's department of education could make an effort to make sure that all schools have equivalent assets. I know, it's hard to think of pulling the big bucks out of the schools in the rich, white neighborhoods and distributing them equitably among all schools, but it does make... wait for it... SENSE.
Now, if you have alternative schools, like schools that focus on arts or sciences, students apply. That also makes sense. But for your basic college prep public school, assignment should be based on geography and funding applied in a way that makes all schools equal. How hard can that be?
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Open Letter To The TV People
Dear TV People,
OK, we all appreciate your efforts to pander to liberals and homosexuals and the easily titillated mainstream by bringing us such fare as Boy Meets Boy, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, It's All Relative, and older shows like Will & Grace, Normal, Ohio, Six Feet Under, and Oz. But enough with the fags, already. Where are the lesbians? Hmm? Sure, you tossed us Ellen, the Sapphic moms on Friends, and the precious relationship turned ham-handed character assassination that was Willow on Buffy, but I think we could do more to give the girls some equal time.
What? You say that you're simply developing television shows that happen to have gays in them? That the increase in the number of sympathetic homosexual male characters is art imitating life? OK, then bring on the dykes. Maybe they don't make as good television as the same old tired jokes about interior decorating and disco music, but I'm sure that a little lipstick lesbian action would boost your young male viewership. Look at the success All My Children has had with making Erica Kane's youngest daughter a gorgeous girl-kisser, dating a dark and mysterious foreign bisexual! That's good TV, people!
So, please, add more lesbians to the TV lineup. It's only fair.
Sincerely,
An Annoyed Viewer
Dear TV People,
OK, we all appreciate your efforts to pander to liberals and homosexuals and the easily titillated mainstream by bringing us such fare as Boy Meets Boy, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, It's All Relative, and older shows like Will & Grace, Normal, Ohio, Six Feet Under, and Oz. But enough with the fags, already. Where are the lesbians? Hmm? Sure, you tossed us Ellen, the Sapphic moms on Friends, and the precious relationship turned ham-handed character assassination that was Willow on Buffy, but I think we could do more to give the girls some equal time.
What? You say that you're simply developing television shows that happen to have gays in them? That the increase in the number of sympathetic homosexual male characters is art imitating life? OK, then bring on the dykes. Maybe they don't make as good television as the same old tired jokes about interior decorating and disco music, but I'm sure that a little lipstick lesbian action would boost your young male viewership. Look at the success All My Children has had with making Erica Kane's youngest daughter a gorgeous girl-kisser, dating a dark and mysterious foreign bisexual! That's good TV, people!
So, please, add more lesbians to the TV lineup. It's only fair.
Sincerely,
An Annoyed Viewer
Beyond Self-Publishing
Check out ecoops.org for my article on amateur singing in NYC. See, other people like my writing, too!
Check out ecoops.org for my article on amateur singing in NYC. See, other people like my writing, too!
Arrrr!
Alert Reader Dave G. just let me know about an all important upcoming holiday, Talk Like A Pirate Day. Basically, on September 19, you talk like a pirate. I plan to refer to myself as Captain Jack Sparrow all day, if I remember.
Please note that on the "how to" page, there is a reference to a Singapore Sling. I would like point this out because most of the dumbass bartenders in New York look at me like I have three heads and they never passed kindergarten when I order one. The Singapore Sling is not an archaic drink, nor is it difficult to make. Get your heads out of your asses, New York bartenders! I'm not tipping you a dollar a drink just because you figured out how to mix a gin and tonic all by yourself.
Alert Reader Dave G. just let me know about an all important upcoming holiday, Talk Like A Pirate Day. Basically, on September 19, you talk like a pirate. I plan to refer to myself as Captain Jack Sparrow all day, if I remember.
Please note that on the "how to" page, there is a reference to a Singapore Sling. I would like point this out because most of the dumbass bartenders in New York look at me like I have three heads and they never passed kindergarten when I order one. The Singapore Sling is not an archaic drink, nor is it difficult to make. Get your heads out of your asses, New York bartenders! I'm not tipping you a dollar a drink just because you figured out how to mix a gin and tonic all by yourself.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
You Say You Want A Revolution
You're sick and tired of reading about my exciting new life. You want to hear my thoughts on politics and the world at large. Well, I would write about those things, but I can't seem to give a fig about the California recall. Madonna French-kissing two bimbos on cable? Just the latest sign that she's over. Just like the other two.
Teenagers are doing just slightly more drugs. Of course, this article doesn't mention that those numbers have been down recently, rendering any increase a wash. Also, I would like to respond to the survey's author that I am perfectly comfortable with 1 in 4 teenagers using drugs. I would be less comfortable with a large number of airplane pilots, nuclear plant engineers or Presidents of the United States using drugs.
(OK, why am I smelling potatoes? There are no potatoes in here!)
I can't bring myself to care about Iraqi occupation, further al-Qaeda threats, Israel and Palestine peace trains or anything taking place in the Middle East. I am burnt out on world politics. No one seems to care what rational people think, and my roommate's cat is driving me batty. He just keeps meowing for no reason, and when I try to pet him he backs away, then he chases me around the apartment with his back arched and his fur standing up. What do you want, cat from hell?
Sorry.
But this is what I can think about. Gray's Papaya (a hot dog shop) on 6th Avenue and 8th Street has a huge sign (in fact, two of them) in their window praising Al Franken. If I recall correctly, it says "We Love Al Franken. We think you are 'FARE 'N VALANCE.' Can you believe those liars are from New York? Jesus Christ!" And something else I can't remember. That's all well and good. I think Fox News is ridiculous for suing Franken. But this is the same store that had similar huge signs in 1998 or 1999 that read "We Love Mayor Giuliani! We Are NICE New Yorkers!" I guess they're bipartisan . Very, very strange.
I can also say that I don't think it's funny that I had to wear a coat and long pants today. I knew I should have moved to Hawaii.
If I think of anything else that's bugging me, I'll be sure to let you know. Now I'm going to take a nap. I've been up since 6:30 am because of an audition. Like I could be a singing nun!
You're sick and tired of reading about my exciting new life. You want to hear my thoughts on politics and the world at large. Well, I would write about those things, but I can't seem to give a fig about the California recall. Madonna French-kissing two bimbos on cable? Just the latest sign that she's over. Just like the other two.
Teenagers are doing just slightly more drugs. Of course, this article doesn't mention that those numbers have been down recently, rendering any increase a wash. Also, I would like to respond to the survey's author that I am perfectly comfortable with 1 in 4 teenagers using drugs. I would be less comfortable with a large number of airplane pilots, nuclear plant engineers or Presidents of the United States using drugs.
(OK, why am I smelling potatoes? There are no potatoes in here!)
I can't bring myself to care about Iraqi occupation, further al-Qaeda threats, Israel and Palestine peace trains or anything taking place in the Middle East. I am burnt out on world politics. No one seems to care what rational people think, and my roommate's cat is driving me batty. He just keeps meowing for no reason, and when I try to pet him he backs away, then he chases me around the apartment with his back arched and his fur standing up. What do you want, cat from hell?
Sorry.
But this is what I can think about. Gray's Papaya (a hot dog shop) on 6th Avenue and 8th Street has a huge sign (in fact, two of them) in their window praising Al Franken. If I recall correctly, it says "We Love Al Franken. We think you are 'FARE 'N VALANCE.' Can you believe those liars are from New York? Jesus Christ!" And something else I can't remember. That's all well and good. I think Fox News is ridiculous for suing Franken. But this is the same store that had similar huge signs in 1998 or 1999 that read "We Love Mayor Giuliani! We Are NICE New Yorkers!" I guess they're bipartisan . Very, very strange.
I can also say that I don't think it's funny that I had to wear a coat and long pants today. I knew I should have moved to Hawaii.
If I think of anything else that's bugging me, I'll be sure to let you know. Now I'm going to take a nap. I've been up since 6:30 am because of an audition. Like I could be a singing nun!
Helter Skelter
Sorry I'm not blogging so much, but I've been hella busy. What with all the singing and the boyfriending and the other socializing, I barely have time to cash my unemployment check, much less think of meaningful things to write for you people. Ingrates that you are anyway. You could try writing to me once in a while (not you, Jeff Z.).
So, I'm going to write an article about sing along places in New York after I take a nap and learn 8 million new songs and buy some necessary paper products and print out lyrics and blog.
Here's where I'll be. Oh yeah, I got my own show!
Mondays
Stonewall Inn
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 9 pm
No cover
Sundays
Super Size Sundays @ The Slide
Bowery and Great Jones, downstairs
Random appearances!
No cover
Thursday, September 4
Cattle Call @ Therapy
52nd Street between 8th and 9th Avenues
11 pm
No cover, talent competition with cool prizes!
Sunday, September 14
Grove Stock @ Cherry's
Cherry Grove, Fire Island
3-9 pm
$20
Wednesday, September 24 and October 29
Piano Bar Hell @ Pieces Back Room
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 10 pm
$5, two drink minimum
Wednesday, October 15
My Own Cabaret Show! @ Pieces Back Room
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 10 pm
$5, two drink minimum
Sorry I'm not blogging so much, but I've been hella busy. What with all the singing and the boyfriending and the other socializing, I barely have time to cash my unemployment check, much less think of meaningful things to write for you people. Ingrates that you are anyway. You could try writing to me once in a while (not you, Jeff Z.).
So, I'm going to write an article about sing along places in New York after I take a nap and learn 8 million new songs and buy some necessary paper products and print out lyrics and blog.
Here's where I'll be. Oh yeah, I got my own show!
Mondays
Stonewall Inn
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 9 pm
No cover
Sundays
Super Size Sundays @ The Slide
Bowery and Great Jones, downstairs
Random appearances!
No cover
Thursday, September 4
Cattle Call @ Therapy
52nd Street between 8th and 9th Avenues
11 pm
No cover, talent competition with cool prizes!
Sunday, September 14
Grove Stock @ Cherry's
Cherry Grove, Fire Island
3-9 pm
$20
Wednesday, September 24 and October 29
Piano Bar Hell @ Pieces Back Room
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 10 pm
$5, two drink minimum
Wednesday, October 15
My Own Cabaret Show! @ Pieces Back Room
Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues
8 pm & 10 pm
$5, two drink minimum
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